tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59116817946685200022024-03-05T20:47:56.299-08:00Gwen's WLS JourneyMy experiences before, during, and after weight loss surgeryUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger373125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-57091882562226426922015-02-08T10:17:00.001-08:002015-02-08T10:17:09.949-08:00FinI think this blog is officially done. I wouldn't say the "journey" is over at all. But I've said all I think I can say about the general subject of me and bariatric surgery.<br />
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I have maintained my weight for one year now. This last year was big. I recently finalized my divorce and my ex is still in jail. I'm sad things ended the way that they did but if those things are what needed to happen in order for my marriage to end, so be it. I hope he can get his life together so he can be a safe parent for our daughter. I don't hold a lot of hope for that, though.<br />
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I also ran my first half marathon in August. It wasn't easy and I walked the last bit, but I did it. I might do a couple this year, but I am feeling a little burned out on running, honestly. I've been switching it up from longer runs to HIIT sessions to try to shake things up a bit for me.<br />
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I'm struggling with a couple extra pounds that have crept back on, trying to get them back off. The trouble is that I really enjoy beer. :) It's one of the great things about no longer living with an alcoholic, I can enjoy alcohol and keep it in my home again. Having the experience I have had for the past 10 years does make me very aware of my own drinking habits and what I want to have around my young daughter. I want her to see that adults can drink as a normal part of life and it doesn't have to be a focus or an illness or a dysfunction that negatively affects her. But, the beer I like is loaded with calories! So I'm trying to work that balance out a little bit.<br />
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It has now been just over 2 years since my revision from lap band to sleeve gastrectomy. I can eat a little bit more than I used to be able to but not much. I still have to be conscious about things like chewing well, not drinking while eating, and stopping eating before I feel full--because if I wait until I feel full I am actually over-full. The full sensation is pretty delayed.<br />
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Thank you to those who have followed this blog for the past 8 years and those who have stumbled in and out of it. I met a lot of fantastic people and got a lot of great support. I hope I passed on some useful perspectives as well. The beginning stages of having WLS are marked by an obsession with the subject--afraid to be excited for the possibility of actually overcoming obesity, anxious that it won't work, worried that something will go wrong, et cetera. Eventually that excitement and anxiety passes, and you have to learn how to incorporate your new health habits into everyday life. It just becomes another part of your life. Whether one considers themselves a "success" at WLS or not, life will change afterward. How you feel about yourself will change. How you look to yourself and others will change. How you feel about your life will change. The degree to which all of this changes is of course very individual, but no matter what, it will surprise you.<br />
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Good luck to all, wherever you are in your process of achieving better health!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-88486857805917105362014-06-15T23:15:00.001-07:002014-06-15T23:15:49.647-07:00June updateI am at my lowest adult weight since the age of 18. My brain still isn't totally caught up to my body. I have bought way more clothes this year than is reasonable, because even my skinny clothes didn't fit me and also it was fun. Truth. I think I will still lose a little more since I am training for this half marathon but I don't feel like I really need to. My BMI is still 28 but that's sort of misleading. I'm wearing anywhere from XS-M everything (depending on brand) and mostly S. <br />
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My soon-to-be ex is convinced (or at least he says) that our marriage is ending/ended because of my weight loss, that I just want to be with other people now that I've lost all this weight. It is certainly true that relationships usually don't last after weight loss surgery. (Statistically it is somewhere greater than 50% but I can't quote any sources on that number.) But that discounts a couple important facts: 1. I've lost this much weight before and did not end our marriage then, and 2. his behavior. So I'm just going to say that that is false.<br />
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There has been a crap ton of drama around here with the soon-to-be-ex (STBE?) ending in restraining orders, jail time and locks changed. Unfortunately he is too unstable for me to let Lucy visit him, which is too bad for her because she misses him terribly. I try to do what I can to help her. She's very anxious that I am going to leave her and it doesn't help that I frequently have my sitter come over so I can do things like go for a run or go out with friends on occasion. She's a smart girl, she gets that this is different. All I think I can do is be honest with her, in an age appropriate way, and encourage her to talk about it, and reassure her frequently that I am not going away and that her daddy still loves her and she didn't do anything wrong and it has nothing to do with her. Beyond that what do you tell an almost 4 year old?<br />
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So I'm running and trying to reconnect with friends for support. Still working a lot but I have weekends off. Planning my big Hawaii trip in August--solo with my toddler/preschooler for a week. My diet is pretty good--about 80% good, which is what I aimed for with the band. I will say that the sleeve achieved one miracle that never happened with the band, and that is that certain trigger foods just don't do it for me anymore. I used to be able to eat a huge amount of ice cream, even banded. Now even if I could physically do it, I don't want to. I can get a tiny bowl with a tiny serving and be fine with it. And I eat way less sweet stuff and junk than I used to, not really trying just not that interested. I never thought that would happen, honestly.<br />
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While the band was always a struggle and a head game to lose weight and keep it off, the sleeve seems a lot simpler. It just works. I hear people ask about "restriction" (people who have been previously banded) and it's not even in the same ballpark. I never had a lot of "restriction" with my band. But this is just a tiny stomach. When it's full, that's it. No getting stuck, no wondering. If I eat too much, it goes up my esophagus, which is uncomfortable and causes reflux, so I have to make sure I don't do that. Reflux is always a potential issue for me, although I've been able to prevent it a lot better and worst case scenario can take some zantac to relieve it. Bottom line is I can't eat much, and so weight loss happens. It stalled a long time last year, but running has fixed that. Eat less, be active...it works.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-40735488127067084572014-03-03T22:03:00.001-08:002014-03-03T22:03:42.380-08:00ExhaustionIt's been an exhausting winter, and I am looking forward to spring. I am within a few pounds of my goal weight, and yet that seems like the least of the work I have done this winter. Now spring is near, and I am exhausted in all ways. I am ready for some renewal.<div>
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I am still running but I am a little burned out. Tonight I planned to run...I planned to run last night, actually, but couldn't because I had no one to watch my daughter while I did...tonight I got home from work, planned to run, and even asked my husband to stay home when he wanted to go out because I needed to run. But then, I just couldn't. I was too tired, and I couldn't tell if it was physical or mental exhaustion, or if it even mattered. </div>
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I'm not this tired every day, so I am not afraid that it is anemia, or malnutrition, or effects from my weight loss or anything like that. I'm rarely this tired, and I don't know the exact cause, but it's acute, not chronic. The biggest and most obvious cause is probably that we are getting divorced.</div>
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I have kept much of my marriage out of my blog, and I intend to keep it that way. I will just say that while things have been difficult for us here, especially in the last few months, I wish nothing but the best for my husband. He has struggled enormously with his demons for as long as I have known him, and he has worked very hard to get to the place he is in now, which is much stronger and healthier than ever before. We will still be parenting our daughter for many years to come and so we will be connected in that way for a long time. I think we can ultimately be good friends after all of this has settled a bit--we still are, despite the difficulties of separating and divorcing. </div>
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Still, it's been very stressful for all of us, and seeing the stress on our young daughter just magnifies my own stress. I'm sure that, while running has certainly been a valuable stress relief through this time, it is also impacted by this stress, and the strain of running and training can be a drain as well. Plus weight loss...it all adds up, so I guess it's not surprising that every now and then I feel like I can't drag myself out for a run of any length after a work day. I have to reiterate this to myself, because it's hard not to be dismayed when something that has been a source of renewal and even at times joy is now feeling like a chore. </div>
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So, I didn't run yesterday, I'm not running today. Tomorrow I have a day off from work, and I am planning to go to yoga. I have missed my Saturday yoga class for 2 or 3 weekends now, so if I can get that in on Saturday too, that would be good. If I feel like running tomorrow I will, otherwise I won't stress about it (or I'll try not to). All the resources I looked at say that you can miss up to a week without impacting your training level, so I'm going to try to focus on sleep and cross-training this week.</div>
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But, here are the good things that have happened in the last few months with weight loss: All my sizes are back at their all-time lows again. I'm in my skinny jeans and slacks (6's) and my small scrubs. A year ago I was in large scrubs (hospital issued, so more like an XL in normal sizes). I can run a 9 minute mile consistently, and 8.5 or a little less if I try. I am pretty settled in eating, although I can still overeat if I am not careful. I'm much less likely to do so now. I am satisfied with about 1/2-3/4 c. food, usually 1/2 but tonight a little more. My BMI still measures 29, but I'm not terribly concerned with it. I don't think I could really stand to lose more than 15 pounds at the most and still be healthy for my build. And I don't plan on losing 15 more pounds. As far as quality of food goes, I think I am doing better than I did with the band. My food choices still fluctuate with moods and hormones, but for the most part I crave less junk than I used to. I am much more able to try something that looks good but is not a great choice, and toss it after one bite if it doesn't live up to my expectations. I don't waste stomach space on crap as much as I could with the band. That's not to say that I have given up chips and cookies and that sort of thing--not at all--but I would say that it's easier to either walk away or be satisfied with a few bites of it now. </div>
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Overall, if you asked me whether I could recommend the band or the sleeve more, I would say first, you found a surgeon who still places bands?!? Most bariatric surgeons say that the vast majority of their band surgeries now are either fixing slipped bands or removing them altogether. And second, unreservedly, yes, the sleeve is worth it. It's not for everyone. If you really want to, you CAN defeat the sleeve, but you kind of have to work at it. When it's full, it's full, game over. You have to make good choices, and make sure you aren't eating unless you are actually hungry (that isn't easy for a lot of reasons), and sure it's "a tool" like everyone will tell you over and over. But for me, it's way more effective than the band ever was, even with my 7 month plateau last year. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-60365703833442706152014-01-03T08:14:00.003-08:002014-01-03T08:18:51.553-08:00Run because you have to...Here's a quote I stumbled upon that I wanted to preserve:<br />
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There are no tricks. Run because you have to. Run because you love it. Run because you want to be fast. Run because you want to be skinny. Run to find some quiet time. Run to sweat. Run to eat. Run to hear your heart pound in your ears. Run because you're a runner. Run because you gotta keep the streak. Run because you don't know why the hell you're running. Run because you fought with your partner. Run because your job is shitty. Run because you got no money. Run for the sunrise. Run for a race. Run because it's impossible. Run because it's easy. Run instead of doing the laundry. Run instead of watching TV. Run because no one else understands. Run because the cool kids do it. Run because you're tired of talking. Run for numbers. Run for feel. Run to prove something. Run because it f***ing hurts. Or don't run. If you got something better to do. JEFF EDMONDS <a href="http://www.logicoflongdistance.com/">The Logic of Long Distance</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-73874105303430079182014-01-02T22:02:00.001-08:002014-01-02T22:02:48.304-08:00In the Long RunA funny thing happened this December. I started running every day. There was this challenge on Facebook. Run every day between Dec 1 and Jan 1, at least 1 mile. I've been running again since the summer, but in a very half-assed way. I'd run a day or two a week, feel lousy because I was slow and felt heavy and unmotivated. I'd go back out a week later because I finally felt guilty enough to get back outside. Rinse and repeat. Not much happened except I cultivated a feeling of guilt and dread about working out. My weight stayed stubbornly the same for months.<br />
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But this challenge came along. I don't know why this was the silly little thing to kick me out of my rut. I think it was because a work friend of mine was doing it, and she was so chipper and peppy about it, it made me want to do it too. I started a couple days into the month because I saw a couple of her posts about it and decided to give it a go. I figured, as slow as I feel, I can at least do a mile, right?<br />
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I gave myself 4 outs: days I could just say, nope, it's not happening today. I took one within the first week. Daily running felt hard at first. I couldn't figure out which seemed worse: getting up early (earlier than 0530, my normal wakeup time) to run, or running after work. I knew I could run on my days off, but days that I work? Sounded exhausting. But I figured, a mile will take me 12 minutes at most. What do I have to lose?<br />
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After the first week, I started to remember that running at night is fine: just use my dorky headlamp, and be safe and aware of my surroundings. My neighborhood is pretty safe, so I stuck around there. I noticed that while at first I had to start walking before I reached the end of my block, after a week I could go about twice as far. I used my HR monitor chest strap and found that my heart rate was already improving. And then I lost a couple pounds.<br />
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It was only a couple, but people noticed the difference immediately. My face was different, and my posture. My body composition was obviously changing. My appetite decreased too: instead of stress eating, I was running my stress off. I started to feel a sense of power in my body. <br />
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After a couple weeks, I had another out day, when I was unexpectedly on call and had to stay late at work. I hated taking that night off. It became much easier to fit my runs into my schedule. If I was going to head out and my 3 year old fussed that she didn't want me to leave, I just stayed and went out after she went to bed. It wasn't a big deal any longer. I came to relish the time to myself to think and reflect. Around this time I stopped listening to music during the run: now I mostly just run in silence, listening to my own thoughts or meditating. <br />
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My time improved as well as my mileage. My ultimate guide of a successful run became how I felt during and after: strong, capable, confident, versus slow, heavy, lethargic. I dropped a full 2 minutes off my mile, and my occasional sub-10 minute mile runs (I still walk a little, but not much anymore) feel like a real victory, even though I try not to fixate on time. <br />
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Most shockingly, I lost about 10 pounds over that time. Maybe that isn't shocking to people I consider "normal" at weight loss, but for me I've never lost weight like that--not even when I was losing weight with the band and running regularly. Not only did I lose the weight but my body composition clearly changed. I've lost one size in jeans, and am wearing smaller scrubs (in fact, small scrubs). Now, I am within reach of my first goal weight, after spending most of the last year wondering if I was going to lose any more at all.<br />
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What next? The challenge ended. I've continued running every day. I'm just looking to see how long I can keep the streak alive right now. It's been 15 days since my last day off (Dec 18, the day I had to work late). I'll sign up for some races this year, but racing isn't really an important goal for me. The biggest things I get out of running are the feeling of being strong, and the time and space to myself. I like to feel a slight soreness in my legs, just enough to remind me that I'm alive. I'm taking yoga classes when I can, too, mostly on Saturdays. Moving your body feels good and natural when you make a habit of it. Whatever my next goal is, I want to reach it with joy, not exhaustion. In fact, maybe that joy is my next goal.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-76473925652753152362013-12-29T17:14:00.001-08:002013-12-29T17:14:13.464-08:00My 1-year "Surgiversary"On this day last year was my band-to-sleeve revision surgery. It seems so strange that it's been a year...a whole year, and yet only a year. My revision experience has been very interesting and not exactly what I would have expected. I knew that I would lose weight slower than first-time sleeve patients. I didn't realize that I would have a 7 month plateau...or that losing just a few more pounds would change so much.<div>
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I am now at -50 lbs, and within 5-15 lbs of my goal weight, depending on what I want my goal to be. I've set a short-term goal of 175 which is only 3 lbs away. That is the BMI-30 point, which is where my surgeon says he is happy for me to stop. He says he won't need to see me at all after that point, unless I have issues or problems. I would be happy at 165-170, personally. Most people who see me think I shouldn't lose anymore, which is nice to hear, but I am not quite ready to be done.</div>
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The December running challenge made a huge difference and helped me restart my weight loss. It's funny that all the training I did over the summer changed my body shape but not my weight. I don't think the running was all of it but I do think that it affected my appetite and my sense of well-being, which overall helped with jump-starting things again. After December, I intend to continue running at least a mile most days--not necessarily every day, but close. I don't love running, especially, but I enjoy it well enough once I get started, and I love how efficient an exercise it is. It also really helps with stress relief. I've started running with a friend lately too. I have never run with anyone else before--too self-conscious about how slow I am, mainly. But it's been great. I'm running with a gal I used to work with who I don't get to see much anymore. Our pace is well-matched and we run a route on the river that I don't otherwise run. It's been a lot of fun.</div>
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I think I have finally made peace with my sleeve. I spent most of this year overeating by 1-2 bites nearly every meal. Predictably, I would barf up at least a little of my meal each time, which is gross and embarrassing and always made me wonder why it was so hard to stop eating before that happened. The last few months I have finally started to do better. I can eat about 6 regular size bites of food, or up to 1/2 cup. I can eat most foods, although really doughy bread can get stuck at times (not stuck like with a lap band, just not wanting to go down quickly). With the band, it never mattered if I drank during a meal or not--I know it does for most people but it didn't for me. With the sleeve, I can either eat or drink, but not both. If I drink during a meal, I can be sure I will be seeing part of my meal again. It isn't a huge deal for me--I am not super attached to drinking during meals like a lot of people are. The only time it bothers me is when I am out for dinner with friends and I want to enjoy a glass of wine or something with my meal. In fact, I can drink very little wine just because it sort of sits in my stomach. I don't drink beer at all, between the volume and the fizz and the calories it just doesn't seem worth it. I am a very occasional drinker anyway--a couple times a year at most--so this isn't a huge deal for me. </div>
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Meals at home have been hard to get used to. I don't have a lot of attachment to what we eat for dinner, because I know I'm only going to eat a few bites of it. In fact, it's better if it isn't one of my favorite foods because I'm less likely to try to overeat. I haven't gotten to the point where I view food strictly as fuel--I will probably never be at that point, and that is fine. But it is less important than it used to be, and less of a coping mechanism for sure. I still try to sit with my family while they are eating-which can be hard because I still tend to pick at food after I am full. If I am mindful and I clear food away from my place, I do okay. I want to keep meals as normal as I can for my daughter. It's weird enough having a mother that eats less than the toddler does. </div>
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One thing that I never had with the band that I have with the sleeve is a false hunger. I find that I am frequently feeling hungry about an hour after I ate. Nearly every time, if I drink some water that will go away quickly. </div>
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Spending the night in the hospital after my surgery last year was the first, and still the only, night I've spent away from my daughter. It was really hard to be away from her, and taking care of her without picking her up afterward was tough. She's so much older and more mature now--a lot of fun to be with, very funny and clever. I'm glad I am a lot healthier and in better shape now to keep up with her. I hope we can teach her healthy habits and skills so she doesn't find herself eventually in my position, looking at surgery like this. I would do it again--if I had it to do all over again, I would skip the band entirely and just go with the sleeve, but I did learn from both experiences. I find it hard to believe that surgeons are still performing lap band surgery, but I keep hearing about people who are getting banded. I think it's negligent to do this when there is so much evidence that it doesn't work and does harm to a lot of people. But people still ask for the band, so there are still surgeons who will do it. The sleeve isn't perfect by any means, and it's not hard to defeat it if you are motivated enough. But I am pleased with how simple it has been once I have relearned a few simple things and become more mindful of how I eat. I don't really think about dieting at all. I generally eat protein first, then veggies. I do eat treats, sweets, etc. I try not to eat them everyday or too much. If I was more regimented about what I eat, I would probably be at my goal by now. But if I can get there a little slower without having to worry so much, I'm fine with that.</div>
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Clothing-wise, I am wearing mostly mediums, some smalls, and usually a size 10. I was recently refitted for bras and am now 34DD. I'd like to get back into my 6s and 8s--last time I wore those I was 165-170. </div>
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There you have it, the good, the bad and the ugly. If you are looking at a band to sleeve revision, don't be surprised if your weight loss looks nothing like anyone else's. It probably won't. I find that the sleeve works the way the band was supposed to work, without all the hassles. I do still get heartburn if I'm not careful and I overeat or eat too close to bedtime. Be patient with yourself in learning necessary new habits for success. It doesn't happen overnight, at least it sure didn't for me. Stick with it. Try something new. Challenge yourself. These are the things that helped me. Good luck!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-79128601098753500162013-12-08T08:41:00.002-08:002013-12-08T08:41:33.580-08:00Icy DecemberIt looks like most of the country is experiencing this same cold snap. It has consistently been in the 20s here in Portland, which is extremely unusual. The bright side is that the sky has been cloudless and sunny; that is the only way we ever get such low temps here. But I cannot stand cold weather, really anything below 45 degrees. I'm a warm weather girl. I am layering like crazy and avoiding being outside whenever possible.<br />
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But...I did join a December running challenge. Run every day of December, at least 1 mile. Given the state of my schedule, I decided to give myself 4 days as a "pass" if needed, and I took one. But I've done 7/8 days now. My runs are getting stronger, so it's been good. Most of the time I can only go late at night, after Lucy is in bed, and that is less than ideal. I wear a head lamp and lots of layers. I'm only running a couple miles at this point. I've been back running for at least 6 months now, but I've done it so sporadically that I can't ever make any gains in my distance or speed. But now I am noticing quick improvements, which is very encouraging. I love this challenge because it is so easy to not run, or exercise at all, in the chilly month of December, and I know with this cold snap I would have avoided it at all costs.<br />
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Run on a treadmill, right? No, that is an absolute last resort.<br />
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I went to see my surgeon in October. I told him about my stall and my frustration with trying to lose any more weight. I told him I had tried calorie ranges between 800-1500 per day, protein ranges of 60-120g/day, and changing everything else I could think of. At that point, I couldn't decide how to proceed because I was simply confused. Nothing was working. He told me first that I had lost a couple pounds since my previous visit, so all was not lost. Then he told me to just stick to 1200 calories, very simple, and come back in 1 month. My surgeon's approach to a lot of things is very simple and no-nonsense. He's within a few years of retiring (although he is well past standard retirement age) but still operates 3 days a week and maintains a full schedule. He told me not to worry so much about protein because my sleeve is not malabsorptive. I know that the mantra of our time is protein, protein, protein, but I needed something simple. So I went with it, came back in a month, and I had lost about 1.5 lbs. He was happy and told me to come back in 3 months and continue this plan. He also told me that as far as he is concerned, I only needed to lose about 10 pounds more and then he was pretty much satisfied. So I've adjusted my goals a little bit, but I still hope to lose a little more than that.<br />
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I do still emphasize protein foods, but I'm not trying for large amounts now. In fact, I am not trying for large amounts of anything. I think I am getting better about keeping my portion sizes lower and stopping early enough. And this week for some reason I've been stricken by insomnia...and I've lost 5 lbs. I am finally at my prepregnancy weight at last... only 3 years later. :)<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-43508845180761235742013-09-27T21:49:00.000-07:002013-09-27T21:49:36.151-07:00Giving in to fallI'm giving in to fall. I am still not over summer being over. A typical Portland summer doesn't really start until late July, and lasts until mid-October. This year we got all our heat in May and June--very unusual--had a slightly warmer July, and then a cool August and crappy rainy September. I want a refund. It didn't help that I didn't get enough of my requested vacation time off to actually go on vacation this summer. But, it's been raining for a while, and thoughts are turning to tea and quilting and cozying up. The fireplace is on. It's not so bad. But I do still hope for some sunny fall days before the winter gray settles in.<br />
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Last Saturday I went to my usual trainer appointment at the gym, but my trainer did not show up. This was unusual for him to just not be there or respond to my text. I did my workout and went home, and later texted him to see what was up. Turns out that the gym fired him, and didn't notify me. He said he was late and the new manager just fired him, like that. Now, of course, I don't know how much more of the story there is. All I do know is that my dealings with him were very professional and he was a fantastic trainer. I've written all about what a great trainer he is before. Not only am I pissed that I lost my trainer, but I'm pissed that the gym didn't bother to tell me. So I am supposed to be hearing from the manager on Sunday. It's a hard situation. I have 3 or 4 sessions left that I paid for, but I don't want to work with a new trainer. I want my trainer. I don't really even want to go to that gym anymore, but it is about 1/10 of a mile from my house, so it really eliminates a lot of excuses. And it's a nice gym, and affordable. I'm just pissed about this situation. It feels like from what I know of the guy, it cannot be a justified firing, but again, who knows. He is going to tell me what gym he ends up at, but the odds that it will be a practical fit for me are low.<br />
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So this left me in this week-long funk about working out, which goes well with my weeks-long funk about my plateau. I finally ran today after about 4 days of no workouts. I just didn't have the heart for it, frankly. It did feel good to run. I'm sure I will get back to the gym. But the weight funk persists. I have finally lost a couple pounds again, but they are pounds I've lost before. Food journaling at this point is useless for me, because I have tried everything I can think of: anywhere between 60-120g protein per day, 800-1500 kcal per day, more water, more fiber, more carbs, less carbs. Seriously. I average 1000 cal when I don't journal (that is, when I have just eaten and added it all up at the end of the day). My body is just not gonna budge right now. So, fine. Body, do your thing. I guess as long as I'm not gaining and I'm still doing the right things, it's going to have to be okay. I have an appointment with the surgeon in about a month, maybe we can come up with something.<br />
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Lucy's birthday is tomorrow--she will be 3. It's really amazing how quickly the time goes by. At this very time 3 years ago, I was only a few hours into my home labor, and unbeknownst to me, just 2 hours from suddenly needing to race to the hospital before she appeared. I had a fast labor, especially for a first-time mom, and a pretty precipitous delivery. It sounds a bit foolish that I was still at home when I was ready to deliver (and no, I didn't plan a home birth) but everyone tells you over and over that the first labor takes much longer than you think it will, you should stay home as long as possible if you don't want "interventions", etc. I never intended to wait until the last second. I had exactly one contraction that felt like what was described as "transition" (from 7 cm to 10 cm dilation) and decided to get some clothes on to go to the hospital, because I was wearing a night shirt. I went upstairs to get clothes on, and by the time I got up there I was having very hard, very fast contractions and could no longer walk. By the time my doula helped me down all my stairs (I had to crawl down them because I couldn't stand up), half an hour had elapsed and it was time to deliver, which I knew because my body started pushing and I had to try not to push, with the help of my fabulous doula. I still had to get myself into the car, though, which was very hard. We did make it to the hospital--with my hubby driving and my doula coaching me on not pushing--and Lucy was born 15 minutes later. It all went perfectly, in retrospect, but we did cause quite a fuss when we got there, and the whole hospital knew about it by morning. <br />
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My mother did the same kind of reminiscing every year on each of our birthdays (yours probably did too), and I didn't quite understand why as a kid, or even really as an adult. But childbirth does change you forever; you become a different person, and I'm sure with each subsequent pregnancy and delivery you change yet again. The first time reveals to you what you are capable of, and it doesn't matter what kind of birth you had or what you did or did not do--it's yours, in the end. The birth of my daughter definitely did change me forever and let me know what I could do physically and emotionally. It has served as a reservoir of strength for me since then. And of course, all of the changes that have come with becoming Lucy's mother have revealed much more to me. It's been so fun getting to know the person she is and is becoming.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-71254504963819565472013-09-11T22:06:00.001-07:002013-09-11T22:06:36.984-07:00PerspectiveI had a good night. Today was hot, after a week of fall weather--gray and rainy--last week. This week is hot, 96 degrees today, and I am happy. I need the heat. I got off work a little early, picked up my daughter and husband and took Lucy to the <a href="http://www.portlandonline.com/parks/finder/index.cfm?PropertyID=1140&action=ViewPark" target="_blank">Jamison Square fountain</a>, a tidal fountain in "the Pearl" neighborhood of NW Portland that she (and every other kid in Portland) loves to play in on hot summer days. There is a place to buy a slice of pizza and an ice cream shop on the same block. She played in the fountain with all the other kids, until a fire engine showed up and drew half the kids over to check it out. <br />
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I wanted to post a little update about it on Facebook, but instead saw an update from some good friends who have a son about Lucy's age who has been very sick. He was born with a birth defect that they thought would be the worst of his problems, but he sailed through Pierre Robin syndrome without needing a trach or any interventions. He was fine until his 1 year check-up, when his mom pointed out some pinpoint red spots on his body (called petechiae) to his pediatrician, and his slightly more frequent bruising. By that evening he was in the PICU being treated for a severe and rare form of infant ALL (leukemia). He has endured 2 years of brutal chemo that did put him into remission. But now the chemo that cured his cancer has destroyed his immune system. He has been in the hospital for much of the last 6 months with infections and systemic reactions to drugs meant to keep him from getting pneumonia, and he's now caught in a catch-22 that it has become apparent he won't survive. So his parents posted to their friends, bravely, that they have decided to maximize the time he has, do the things that allow him to be a 3 year old boy for as long as possible, and keep him out of hospitals and stop treatment. At this time, he has energy and is playing and laughing, although he needs IV nutrition because he isn't eating. They are continuing those kinds of things that add to his life without subtracting a measure of misery.<br />
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It takes my breath away to imagine what his family is going through now, and has been for this entire time, contemplating losing him, desperately trying not to lose him, and then seeing that the trying isn't working and the best thing for him is to stop subjecting him to painful treatments that don't seem to be helping him. It has to be especially painful that they wanted so badly to cure his cancer and they did, but the treatment is killing him anyway. His parents are both nurses--I used to work with his dad in the ICU before I continued my training--and have been incredible in their ability to roll with this journey, and keep things as normal as possible for this little boy and his older brother. They have both helped countless families through end-of-life decisions, and now have to make these decisions all to soon for their baby.<br />
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As I savor a lovely evening with my healthy and happy only child, my heart is also with my friends, who are savoring a late summer evening with their little family, trying to make the time slow down.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-5561972117481104492013-09-07T22:58:00.001-07:002013-09-07T22:58:46.421-07:00Lets try this again...Well. I have been training with my personal trainer for about 3 months now. He is awesome, I am stronger and leaner, and it's been good. But I still am not losing weight. This whole time, no weight lost. Yes, I have lost a lot of fat and look and feel better, and I'm not losing sight of how huge that is or how much work I have put into this. But I do actually need to lose weight still. <div><br></div><div>The last two weeks, fatigue and disappointment have really set in. Especially fatigue. Today's workout was terrible. I bonked almost immediately and had to be dragged through it. Finally, I asked my trainer to sit down with me and tell me what he would tell anyone about nutrition with no surgery or restrictions. He was very basic: more calories, more good quality carbs, more protein. I need fuel. I'm scared to do this, knowing that my metabolism has been so poor. But with more muscle to work with and more to do, I do need the fuel. So I decided to just follow it, and not weigh for one whole week. Keep my food logs, but wait on weights and measurements. </div><div><br></div><div>I am working a lot more. I'm tired mentally and emotionally when I get home, never mind physically. And I miss my daughter. Being a working mom often sucks. Finding the time for myself is difficult, as it is for everyone. Sleep is usually adequate, but stress and exhaustion take their toll. Yet there has to be a way to make this work. I'm reminded that sleeve-after-band is often a slow road, slower than it is for those who only have the sleeve. The loss of muscle mass from the first weight loss has made things slower this time. I'm trying to stay motivated, but I need to see some progress for this to work. </div><div><br></div><div>Just 20 lbs, that's all I ask...</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-47763978867780674552013-08-14T10:23:00.001-07:002013-08-14T10:23:46.590-07:00And now for something completely different.I love Pinterest. Seriously.<br />
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But damn, some people and their blogs. I love and hate all the home improvement and decorating pins on there. I was fantasizing last night about artfully photographing my home last night and featuring it on my own blog. All perfect lighting and Instagrammed just so...to show off my living room with the one mismatched cabinet next to the fireplace in the hole where the built-in bookcases should have been (but a previous owner ripped them out)...the built-ins that someday I plan to have rebuilt when I can afford it but not going to DIY because really? I have 2 jobs and a toddler. My dining room which looks reasonably nice when it is picked up, but almost always is covered in stacks of mail and things that haven't found a home yet. The walls that are all still painted in the previous owners' colors, and mostly blank walls that we haven't chosen photos or artwork to frame and decorate yet. And yes, we have lived here for over 3 years now. Our couches that we have had for 8 years, bought second-hand, with the tear in the leather, that don't fit the house and need replacing. The basement "bar" that got ripped out, and the half-completed half wall built to cover the hole in the sink cabinet where the bar was removed...still in need of tiling and drywall on the outside, and painting. The original (?) linoleum on the stair landing where we had to rip out the carpet and padding because the cat randomly decided to pee on it for a MONTH (despite my desperate efforts during that whole time to dissuade her and clean up the stench). The basement bathroom tub that needs a new faucet set because the handle came off last year and can't be replaced except with an entirely new set, so we've been using a Vice-Grips as a handle. For a year.<br />
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So much in our home is half-baked plans and vague ideas and budget constraints. Overall, it is really a lovely house, and it is usually mostly picked up and presentable, despite the expected smattering of toddler toys in each room. But as I curate my favorite DIY home improvement projects, most of which I know I will never, ever do, it makes me see my home differently: not the sweet older home in an old neighborhood that I love, but as a list of projects and budget shortfalls that seem like they will never get done. I think my home is a lot more typical for a working family than the ones I see on Pinterest. And a lot of people talk about their home being like this, but who photographs it and publishes it? Really? Actually I think that would be a pretty fun project. This is real, yo. Who has time to rubber-stamp cute phrases on matching wooden hangers for their perfect closet makeover? Or my personal favorite, a roll-out "emergency sidewalk" made of pallets and old fire hoses so you can walk in your yard after a flood. Really, old fire hoses? I was wondering what to do with all of those. I actually left a comment on that one: Where do you get old fire hoses? The replies were "An old fire house!" and "At an auction!" Which is basically like saying, "When you don't have toddlers anymore, lady!" Or for me, never, since I can't see myself at an auction bidding on an old fire hose. Ever.<br />
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I know backlash against Pinterest is nothing new, and I honestly think it is a great site and I use a lot of the things I pin, especially recipes and sewing ideas. But some days I really do just shake my head at some of the stuff, and then I step away to get some perspective. We do enough. We have enough. We are enough. Repeat.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-63900627103953325332013-08-11T11:26:00.000-07:002013-08-11T11:30:27.048-07:00Math is easyDoing the math: Going from 35% body fat to 26% body fat, and staying 186 pounds, means that I have lost about 17 pounds of fat and replaced it with 17 pounds of muscle. Is that right? Apparently it is.<br />
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It's hard to add calories, especially if I want them to be useful ones. I could eat junk food easily. But eat more good protein sources--that's harder. Yesterday I managed 900 calories. And still went over my carbs. And only got 55g protein. Yeah, not my best day. Most days I get enough protein, and go over slightly on carbs. Still working on that.<br />
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My arms are so sore today--yesterday's "shock workout" definitely was a shock. I'm recovering quickly, I guess. But it was hard!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-34842077814066013162013-08-10T12:47:00.001-07:002013-08-11T11:29:14.152-07:00It works!I am about 5 weeks into my personal training contract, and still I have not lost weight. My scale is also showing the same body fat--down about 1%. This seemed impossible. My measurements are consistently dropping, especially my waist. Something has to give.<br />
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But last week my trainer switched from a 4-point caliper measurement of my body fat to a 7 point with a more comprehensive equation to see if we could capture what is obviously happening with my body. Every single day someone comments on how much weight I am losing and how good I look. I feel like I can't really accept that compliment, in my head, if I have no evidence to back it up--yet it is obviously true that my body is leaner. <br />
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Today, he presented me with the evidence at my training session. My body fat percentage has dropped 9%!* Zoinks! So, that's what happened. He said he re-ran the numbers 3 times to make sure it was right. Now that's motivating!<br />
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We had a "shock" workout today--endurance and strength, high reps. I am jelly, and heading to the shower next. But I feel good. My clothes are fitting much better. I feel better. Things are good.<br />
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The next phase will be to get some more weight loss. I think if I can increase my calories a little and drop the carbs a little more I might get some improved results. I'm right around 900-1000 cal/day right now, but maybe 1200-1400 with more protein would help a bit (I am between 60-90g protein now). Let's see.<br />
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*ETA: I previously reported 12% drop. This was from what my Aria scale reported to what my trainer reported. Actually, his initial body fat calculation was 35%, not 38%, like my scale said. So the drop to 26% is actually a 9% drop when comparing apples to apples, so to speak. Or pears to pears. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-70650734575548480322013-08-01T21:17:00.001-07:002013-08-01T21:17:48.987-07:00Week 4I'm 4 weeks into training. I'm stronger for sure. I'm maybe a pound down overall. But my jeans are now too big, so something is happening. My measurements are down--my waist by almost 3" since June. My body fat is down about 1.5% by my fitbit scale. I don't know what to make of all of this exactly, but I'm just going to say it's good. <div><br></div><div>I finally tackled Lucy's potty training, after dithering for months because nothing was ever "stable" enough here for me to feel like it would be successful. Frankly, I probably was less ready than Lucy. I planned a toilet-training boot camp weekend--talk it up to her for a few days, then roll up the living room rug, put her in panties and sit the potty in front of the TV. She was fine. She has had a couple accidents where she didn't make it in time, and one with her dad where she didn't try to make it, but that's it. She is wearing undies for nap, her diaper is usually dry when she gets up in the morning, and we have switched to pull ups tonight. So, hooray! She sits on the regular toilet when we are out just fine, too, and no problems with #2 on the potty either. Pretty much awesome. </div><div><br></div><div>Tonight, therefore, I took all the diapers out of her room and sorted and boxed them. I'll get rid of the disposables somehow--give away or sell. I guess I will keep the cloth diapers for a few years in case I have 1 more. How I do want one more--but at this point it looks unlikely. It was a bit sad to box them up. I loved cloth diapering, and although I can find something else to do with all the time I spent doing diaper laundry, I didn't mind it. My baby is not a baby anymore. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm going to do more canning this weekend... Got some fancy Weck canning jars, I'm excited about them! What a nerd. :)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-72569313565819369132013-07-21T19:19:00.000-07:002013-07-21T19:19:58.310-07:00Working ItIt's been 2 weeks with Jaylen, my new trainer. The day after my first session was very painful. I could barely get down my stairs, and I live in a 3 floor house! It was hard, but it has been good. He's very positive and encouraging, and each workout with him is different. I can't get bored, because I never do the same thing twice. And with the pace of the circuits, I sweat like crazy and leave everything out there on the floor. <br />
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Is it working? My body fat percentage is finally creeping downward again. I'm down 1% in the past 2 weeks, which is very good for me. My weight stayed the same (not surprisingly) at first but now is down about 2 lbs by my scale. And he wants me food journaling, so I'm getting back to MFP, reluctantly. But when I have to be accountable for what goes in my mouth, it makes it a little easier to stay on track. So I am feeling positive about this.<br />
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Lucy and I are having a nice relaxing summer. We've gotten to spend a lot of time together, and she is a lot of fun. She will be 3 in September (!) and I'm aware that she is just at the age when her long-term memories will start to be formed. So I'm trying to do the things with her that I loved about summer when I was a child. This is mostly spending time outside, walking around, going to the park, playing in the back yard. I work in the garden a lot. She has fun playing in water and her sand box in our yard, and helping me with garden tasks. We go to the pool, or to one of the public fountains that kids play in when it's hot outside. We have yet to get to the beach since May, but hopefully sometime soon. We go out walking and get ice cream.<br />
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I am still a bit (a lot) resentful that we can't go on vacation this year--we usually go to the coast at least, for a week in the summer. I plan on next year being much calmer, no matter what, and we will go on a vacation.<br />
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Yesterday I started doing some small-batch canning. I had a small crop of patio cucumbers that ripened at once, and decided to pickle them. I've never made pickles before. I made 4 pint jars of dill pickles, which have to wait at least a week before we can try them. I used to can with my grandmother when I was at her farm in the summers. I actually resented being the only girl and therefore having to be stuck inside canning while the boys played outside. But I also loved the time with my grandmother in her cool concrete basement doing the steamy work of pressure-canning green beans. And I learned to do something that still helps me today, while my brothers and cousins just got into various kinds of trouble together. <br />
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So, today I made some sweet and sour onions with half a bag of Walla Walla Sweet onions that I bought at Costco, and a batch of Vanilla Bean Apricot and Nectarine jam. I canned 3 pints of the onions and 6 half pints of jam (the latter are cooling on the counter now). It's very satisfying, especially hearing the jars "ping" as they successfully seal while cooling. <br />
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To walk me through this again, since it has been a long time since I've done any canning, I bought a copy of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Food-Jars-Preserving-Batches-Year-Round/dp/0762441437" target="_blank">"Food In Jars" by Marissa McClellan</a> from Amazon (I probably could have gotten all the info from her blog, <a href="http://foodinjars.com/" target="_blank">Food In Jars</a>, but I didn't know that, and the book is really lovely, definitely worth the purchase.) This was a really great guide, because of the abundant beautiful photos, and also because my experience of canning in the past was always massive quantities of produce that has to be processed immediately, making it a very involved and time-consuming process. Her book is all about "small batches" of canning, which is perfect for a home gardener with a modestly-sized backyard garden. My grandparents had a 500-acre farm, with a kitchen garden the size of my entire backyard, and thus just the green bean crop alone produced probably ten 5-gallon buckets of green beans. Marissa's way is more manageable. I didn't buy a big water-bath canner (you know, the black ones with the white speckles you see at the stores), I just used my regular stock pot, and made a rack for the bottom by wiring 5 canning rings together. I prefer not to have kitchen stuff that serves only one purpose and usually ends up being stored somewhere and only occasionally used, so I was very happy to be able to use something I had already. <br />
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I'm also excited that I don't have to plan a big excursion to go pick fruit somewhere to do a batch of jam. I love to go pick berries, but I rarely have the time during the window that the berries are ready to be picked, and it's kind of pricey these days, and what do I do with Lucy while I pick berries? She wouldn't really be able to participate and at the stage she is at right now, she would just need to be managed. Making small batches means that I can get the fruit I love at Costco, use what I can use before it goes bad (between my sleeve and the toddler tummy, we don't eat very much) and make a batch of something and can it. Love!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-74169595532731941622013-07-06T23:25:00.001-07:002013-07-06T23:25:28.134-07:00Phase 2: Operation #Last30LbsI'm done sitting around waiting for my pseudo-plateau to end. I've been at roughly the same spot for about 6 weeks or so, and I know why: I need muscle. I've lost a little over 40 pounds but only about 5% of my body fat. So today I got myself to the gym and signed up with a personal trainer.<br />
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I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't too excited about it. I have never enjoyed strength training. I've done it, but I get bored easily with it, and eventually quit. And I really need someone to walk me through a gym's weight equipment, even if I've used it before at another gym. I have this mental block about it. I've been a member of this gym for a few years now (24 Hour Fitness) but have never taken this step with the weights. Also, I haven't gone at all in about 9 months....<br />
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So my appointment was with Jaylen, who looks to be in his mid-20s. He's just what you want in a personal trainer: fit but not intimidating, very friendly, and very confident that he can help you achieve your goals. We went through where I've been and where I want to go, he did weight and measurements (my body fat measured about 5% less than my scale has been measuring me...which was nice) and we did an assessment. He taught me the beginnings of a circuit training routine, gave me homework, and I paid for some sessions. I go back on Tuesday. I am to do an hour of activity every day, and do my circuit 4 days a week. He promises to change it up so I don't get bored and so I see regular improvement. And that's that.<br />
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After my initial workout, I definitely felt it in my legs. Going down stairs is a challenge, and I'm sure it will be even more so tomorrow. (And my house is 3 stories...oy) But I feel like this can actually help me get things back in gear. I'm glad I did it. And I'm glad I finally followed through with what I knew I needed to do.<br />
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Meanwhile, the second summer heat wave has passed, and we had a lovely afternoon of 75 degrees today. My garden is doing phenomenally well: I have baby cukes and pumpkins on the vines, I've harvested peas and greens and even some of my carrots, and I've found almost every square inch of potential gardening space in my backyard and used it. Lots of planters, new raised beds, improvised planters, using all the sunny spots. My poppies and cosmos are blooming, as well as my dahlias and hydrangeas--I planted about 5 new ones this year--and my sunflowers are getting tall. My herb garden is bursting and my new rhubarb seems to be surviving after a pretty rocky start. I have green tomatoes on all my plants, so I hope to have ripe ones in a few weeks. That pumpkin patch has me singing "Feed me, Seymour!" every time I go in the backyard: it's taking off across the yard, spilling into the bed next door and all over the lawn. Maybe I'll scale the pumpkins back next year. <br />
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There is something very satisfying to me about going into the backyard and seeing everything I've planted, growing. When I feel down about life, I feel better watching my daughter play in the garden, all the things I've taken part in creating, growing together.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-55996100838936071602013-06-27T21:14:00.002-07:002013-06-27T21:14:41.610-07:00Yep...This makes intuitive sense, but it's a well-written article about why eating high-glycemic foods might drive food cravings. Thank you NY Times.<br />
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<a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/27/how-carbs-can-trigger-food-cravings/?src=me&ref=general">http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/27/how-carbs-can-trigger-food-cravings/?src=me&ref=general</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-21585920388249699882013-06-23T10:08:00.002-07:002013-06-23T10:08:31.735-07:006 monthsSo I am about 6 months post op. My weight loss hovers between 40 and 43 lbs. I feel like I should have lost a bit more by now, even though this is how I have always lost weight, and it is more than I had lost by this time with the band...It's hard to let go of this idea. I think I am doing okay. Sometimes it is easier to realize this than others.<br />
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So where do I stand? How am I doing with the rules of WLS? Let's see. These might not all be "official" rules but they are what I try to stick to.<br />
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No drinking with meals: I usually adhere to this. Eating out is when this is hardest, because I usually have a beverage in front of me, whereas at home I just don't have one there. The other exception is if I am trying to eat and get some coffee into me in a short time, or if I eat but I also need to take medication, which doesn't happen too often. This one I do pretty well with.<br />
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Eat protein first: Yes, I am good with this one. I still mostly eat protein, mainly because of this rule.<br />
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Eat only when hungry: This is much harder than it used to be, for two reasons. First, when I am working I have no control over when my meals occur. In the operating room, I obviously have to remain with my anesthetized patient at all times, unless someone comes to relieve me for a break. Most of the time, you take a break when one is offered, because there are a lot of people who need breaks, and you may not get another chance if you turn one down. So even if I am not hungry, I need to eat or risk not getting another chance and getting too hungry. Second, my child. I am frequently preparing her dinner when I am not at all hungry. I feel badly not eating dinner when she eats; our family meals are weird enough as is. So sometimes I eat a bit when she is eating, but I often regret it.<br />
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No grazing: This one is hard, especially when eating with my family. I am the worst at picking at food in front of me after I am full but my family is still eating. This is especially bad when we are at a restaurant. If I (or my hubby) am thinking about it, I'll move the food out from in front of me, or pack up the remains in a box. But many a time I have stopped eating when full, then sabotaged myself with one or two bites too many after I had already decided I was full. This is probably the hardest.<br />
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Plan what you eat: I do this well when I am working and I pack all my food for the day. On the weekends I have a harder time. I don't routinely track all my food anymore. I did for 5 months, but didn't think I need to do it forever. There are differing opinions on this. Some believe you always have to track, forever. Others use it as a tool to stay or get back on track. I think the latter makes sense.<br />
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Those are the ones I can think of right now. There is room for improvement, but overall I am doing okay.<br />
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I think the biggest thing for me, overall, is eating slowly and not eating one bite too many. The two go together. I am a very fast eater, which has always worked against me. It takes a lot of effort to eat more slowly. I am noticing something interesting about satiety for me now that has changed since I was sleeved. If I pay attention, I can stop eating after a small portion of food and feel comfortably full. After about 10 minutes, I frequently feel quite full (assuming I haven't eaten anything more). In another 10 minutes I feel HUNGRY. Like stomach-growling, gnawing hunger. Not the worst hunger feeling, but a feeling that I have always made go away by eating. It seems like a hunger feeling, but if I eat anything at this point I will regret it. If, instead, I wait...the hungry feeling goes away fairly quickly, and I feel satiety. I didn't have this experience with the band, or before. And it's a trap! I can't even tell you how many times I have fallen into the trap, eaten something, and regretted it--either throwing something up, or feeling very uncomfortably full. It has taken an embarrassingly long time to realize this.<br />
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So there it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can still reach my goal in the next 6 months. It will have to involve more exercise, though. Right now I am sticking to walks because I can easily fit them in with my daughter. I might try adding body-weight strength training at home for toning. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-78617493283364156022013-06-08T14:00:00.002-07:002013-06-08T14:00:24.684-07:00SummertimeSo maybe it goes without saying, but mostly protein diet + iron supplementation = unhappy intestines. Ugh. This wreaks havoc with the scale as well as the belly. I am actually playing around with the iron supplementation. I don't want to end up with IV iron again, because it is expensive and inconvenient. I was taking daily iron after the IV supplementation, then about a month ago I took a week off from the oral iron (lovely!). Now I am trying every other day. My ferratin levels are fine and my hematocrit is 40 (and feels much better than 30 did last summer), so maybe every other day will be easier on my intestines. Plus fiber.<br />
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Weight loss still happens in fits and starts. I'm still loving my Fitbit Flex (although it doesn't have an altimeter so doesn't track stairs, which I miss) and when I get lots of steps I still lose weight. It's time to add resistance training, as my body fat has not gone down very much, which means I am losing too much lean mass (story of my life). I've started my gym membership again but it just doesn't fit my crazy life like walking with Lucy in the stroller does. So I should experiment with body-weight training at home. Note I said "should". Ha ha.<br />
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Hubby is gone again...going to treatment for hopefully the recommended length of time this time, instead of being cut short like in previous attempts. Spring is the time for meltdowns. It's exhausting.<br />
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So it's just Lucy and I...but it is really much easier now that she is older. I still have the daycare shuffle in the mornings (plus the expense of that, which is huge) but otherwise, she's such an easygoing child. She does miss Daddy a lot, but she can talk with him on the phone and can understand simple explanations about where he is.<br />
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Summer is here early in Portland. We usually can't count on summer weather until after July 4, but we had a pretty hot May (as high as 90s) and it's been 60-80 degrees for most of June so far. I'm very excited about my garden this year. I'm doing a lot more on my patio this year, since it's generally the warmest part of the yard. I have half-whisky barrel planters with strawberries and cukes (first time growing either), another with lettuce, and my 3 tomato planters are doing well. I have a willow stump on the side of my patio that I had cut down when we first bought the house. That is covered with potted flowers: we can't dig it or grind it out because it will wreck the patio (and possibly the foundation), and the only way I could kill it, regretfully, was with Round Up; nothing else worked to keep it from sprouting the way willows do. So I can't plant anything there for at least a few years. I replanted the shady side of the yard this spring, and love my hostas, bleeding hearts and hellebores (my new hydrangeas will hopefully bloom this summer too). And I put in new raised beds in the back part of the yard, with carrots, pumpkins and sunflowers. The ugly retaining wall of doom has some peas and beans planted in front of it, hopefully those will take off and cover it. And finally, my herb garden is bursting, and I have put in some hardy fucshias, some rhubarb, lavender, and will plant zucchini in the last square feet left. (Zucchini grow like weeds in the NW, I am fairly confident they will do fine there.) Oh, and watermelons! I found a variety that was developed in northern Idaho that is supposed to be good in cooler, shorter growing seasons like ours. I think it will be a hot summer, so it should do fine in its hot corner. I made a new planter for it, out of a plastic Rubbermaid wheelbarrow whose axle broke. I think that will stay pretty warm.<br />
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I'm so pleased to finally have a space to garden in. This is our third summer in this house, and I am still learning what does well in different parts of the yard. We have a big, beautiful covered brick patio that is the centerpiece of the house, and we spend the whole summer out there, so it is really great to have so much gardening space to play with. And! My wonderful neighbor (the one who was our realtor for the purchase of the house) took the fence between our two back yards and made a fence out of old doors that she collected. She just did it at the end of the summer last year. It is just fantastic, very Pinterest. One of the doors slides open between our yards so our girls can play together (they are a little less than 2 years apart, and Lucy adores their daughter). I need to put up some planters and hangers on my side and grow stuff on it. It is fantastic! I just wish the other side was like that too, but I saw how much work it took her to do that, and I am pretty sure I don't have that in me. It's all I can do to keep up with my family and my garden.<br />
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I love summertime best of all. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-11589826928513713922013-05-27T09:31:00.002-07:002013-05-27T09:31:17.354-07:00Sushi time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This is about 2 months old, but I look about the same today, I guess about 10 lbs lighter.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJHss5tvNF_EybR6KBDhPW31FVw2-f7pSJ1Ict_fCXOIsHep69zpuFSDzL6uzghQijoi5qf2ar6RU5YApPG_-ns7xscp5y9ILmGL5beSMriNTKDjxrMV8NRCNzy7v6gXeLF95lLzAecM/s1600/sushimama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJHss5tvNF_EybR6KBDhPW31FVw2-f7pSJ1Ict_fCXOIsHep69zpuFSDzL6uzghQijoi5qf2ar6RU5YApPG_-ns7xscp5y9ILmGL5beSMriNTKDjxrMV8NRCNzy7v6gXeLF95lLzAecM/s320/sushimama.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-30935926198557606482013-05-27T09:15:00.003-07:002013-05-27T09:15:45.827-07:00It's Offiical-40 lbs today! And officially at the weight I was when I met hubby.<br />
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It's funny how certain weights have significance, especially for people who have struggled with obesity and weight loss. Of course, there are the major milestones, like getting under 200 lbs (or 300 lbs, or more). And there are the nice round numbers of weight lost: 25 lbs, 50 lbs, 100 lbs. But the ones that really stick with me are weights that remind me of particular times in my life. This is one. I had just lost about 40 lbs on Weight Watchers when I met hubby, and it was the lowest my weight got before it started to go back up, on its inexorable path toward my lap band 2 1/2 years later. My next "significant" weight will be my pre-pregnancy weight: that's 7 lbs away. Then there is my lowest weight with the band, 15 more lbs. Anything lower than that is uncharted territory. My lowest band weight was 165, which was also my weight when I was 19, the first time that my weight really shocked me in my life. (Oh, if only I could tell my 19 year old self a thing or two...like how I would look back at that time and see a much more beautiful teenager than I ever thought at the time.) It wasn't that low again for another 17 years, nearly another lifetime for me then.<br />
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Losing 40 lbs in about 22 weeks is totally in reach for most people, without bariatric surgery. But for me it is pretty much right on track, proving that bariatric endocrinologist I saw right. He tested my metabolism and told me if I wanted to lose about 1 lb per week I would have to eat about 1000 cal a day. I have lost slightly more than that eating 900-1000 cal per day. I really need to do some resistance training to improve my fat loss, but it has been so difficult to even contemplate getting to the gym ever, much less on a regular basis. I could look into a self-resistance workout: pushups and dips and other things with nothing but my own body. Wouldn't that be a good idea?<br />
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But not right now. My hubby is back in the hospital, still struggling with the same issues of trauma, PTSD, debilitating depression and substance abuse. It's heartbreaking. He has been sinking for over a month, and has been asking for help the whole time, and trying to arrange treatment himself with appropriate facilities and our insurance company. Living with this disease is so much harder than anyone can imagine. He did really well for over 6 months, but then rather abruptly slid back into despair. It really is a matter of life and death. Without adequate treatment, he will be dead in just a few short years, without a doubt. <br />
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So for now it's me and Lucy time. Luckily, she's a good kid, and an easy kid. The single parent thing is not easy by any means. I still work 2 jobs (but rarely more than 40 hrs a week) and have to clean the house and feed us and take care of her, and take care of myself as well. But it's going fine for the most part. I'm just trying to lower my expectations of myself, not try to do everything perfectly all the time.<br />
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I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday. It's raining like crazy here in Portland. But we had an early summer a few weeks ago, so I'm not complaining. I think it will be a hot summer. Be safe, all.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-37094679939121511112013-05-17T23:17:00.002-07:002013-05-17T23:17:36.465-07:00Moving againOkay...unstalled, but still not moving super quickly. April wasn't great for weight loss. I'm guessing that is mainly due to stress.<br />
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I am really really thatclose to 40 lbs lost. Any day now!<br />
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Today I got my new Fitbit Flex in the mail, at last. I preordered it, so I guess I'm one of the first to get it. It's pretty cool, but it doesn't track stairs climbed like the One does. I guess that's fine...it's just another thing to compete with myself over...but it was motivating. It looks very sleek, and I don't have to take it off my wrist to wash dishes or take a shower, which is nice. The silicone wrist band becomes body temp pretty quickly so I don't really notice it is there. I did like having the info right there on my tracker with the One. But I kept it clipped in my bra (easiest place not to lose it) and reaching in to look at it...is awkward. So, instead, I can look on my iPhone app at current info, which is something I'll get used to. It seems like there should be a watch feature or something...tell the time, maybe a HR monitor. But I think the point was just to have a very unobtrusive device that didn't have a lot of stuff displayed, esp since most of us carry a phone with us all the time that can give us that info. So far, I like it, but I am surprised that it does lose some of the functionality that the One has.<br />
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I am definitely fitting into smaller clothes and looking like I have lost weight. I have a long way to go, but most often if I get 10K steps a day and eat about 1000 kcal, I lose weight. So that's what I focus on.<br />
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I'm finding at this point that I don't have to run to stay active, which is good because finding kid-free, job-free time to run is quite difficult. Walking has been sufficient so far. We live in an area with a "high walk score", so we usually go for a walk in the evening somewhere in our neighborhood and that takes care of my exercise needs, plus keeps my mood tuned up.<br />
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Time for bed!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-70275889354514607462013-04-28T21:26:00.002-07:002013-04-28T21:26:50.537-07:00Stalled...I was losing well, then stall...for a few weeks now. A stall always feels like forever, like it has always been this way and I will never lose weight again. Silly, I know. But no one wants to see a stall. They suck, but they are part of weight loss.<br />
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I do well when I make sure I keep my daily steps high (>10,000) and generally the way to do that for me is a walk around the neighborhood in addition to my daily activity. That isn't hard to do, but doesn't always happen. I was planning on a walk this evening, but my hip has been hurting today so I didn't do it.<br />
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This weekend was lovely here, though, warm and sunny. I got a lot of gardening done this weekend. I've been almost manic about the yard in the past few weeks, actually. It started with just wanting to fix up the west side yard. It had been planted by the previous owners with sun-loving plants, but it is partial to full shade. The result was a few scraggly looking sticks that were supposed to be shrubs, and some leftover primroses that keep coming back. I ripped everything out and bought as many bleeding hearts, hostas and hellebores as I could afford, backed them up with a few new hydrangeas, and put them all in. Then I started to see everything else I could do...and so, many trips to the nursery later, it's looking good. I had to get new fuschia baskets for the patio because mine did not overwinter this year. I got some new patio planters, and I'm putting in new raised beds for veggies. It's fun, and we spend so much of the summer and early fall out on the patio that we really do want it as nice as possible out there. <br />
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So anyway, we've got some stressful stuff going on that I'd rather not air on here, and I'm trying to keep my mind on the moment by gardening and crafting and playing with my daughter rather than eating. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, and that probably explains at least some of my weight loss stall.<br />
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But you know, things can always be worse.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-75844868303733718162013-03-28T10:41:00.001-07:002013-03-28T10:41:18.945-07:00Great NewsI try not to share personal stuff about anyone but myself, as much as possible, but I do want to call out how proud I am of my hubby, without revealing too much. Yesterday my hubby had to travel to deal with some acrimonious legal dealings that have been stressing us out for a long time. The good news is that he handled himself perfectly, the other party showed their true (crazy) colors for everyone to see, and the result was the best news for him and our family that we have had in a long time.<br />
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The bad news is that as he was checking into his hotel the night before, he slipped on a loose piece of carpet and fell down a flight of stairs.<br />
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So after he got home from the trip (knowing the whole time that he had broken his arm, but not wanting to miss the hearing he was there for) I took him to the ER, where we found out he broke his wrist and will need surgery.<br />
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Sigh. Luckily I am recovered, but he is our daughter's primary caregiver while I am working, so this complicates things for us all. Poor guy. He's handling it all with a lot of grace, but it's difficult. <br />
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As for life with the sleeve, my weight loss is going great. I'm still losing a couple pounds a week, which I am super happy about. Right now I am at -32 lbs which is just over 10 lbs per month. I am finding that I am less hungry than I was a couple months ago, which seems opposite of a lot of people's experience with the sleeve. I am getting better at gauging how much to eat, but I still occasionally misjudge. The hardest thing for me is not nibbling as I sit with my family after I know I am done eating. I know the best thing would be to just get up, but I feel like our meals are abnormal enough, I want to be with my family when they eat. But my habit is to keep "picking" and those extra 1 or 2 bites are almost always my downfall.<br />
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I feel really good, and really hopeful about the future, which is something that is a long time in coming.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5911681794668520002.post-88039773939090681682013-03-23T22:01:00.001-07:002013-03-23T22:01:51.784-07:00A-OKEverything went fine, cyst is out, ovary intact. I'm a bit sore but nothing that ibuprofen hasn't been able to handle. I've just been taking it easy this weekend. It's strange that this is the only sort of "excuse" I give myself for slowing down and taking it easy...why can't I just relax without it involving something like surgery?<br />
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It went very smoothly and I was in and out pretty quickly. I was very happy to have an excellent team working with me. And no nausea post op, thanks to my CRNA friend and coworker.<br />
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Now I'm trying not to pick up my 2 1/2 year old, but that is nearly impossible. She is too young to understand any of my explanations. I try to keep it minimal, but it was the same when I had my sleeve surgery. <br />
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I'm holding off weighing for a few days, until the fluid from the swelling dissipates. I know most WLS people insist we shouldn't weigh daily, or even weekly. But I have always found that daily weighing keeps me in a rhythm, and keeps me on top of any potential gains. I've read that it is one thing that people who are successful long-term with weight loss do. So I do it...but not when I KNOW it is going to be a temporary gain that will only demoralize me, and will go away on its own.<br />
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I did a lot of projects in front of the TV last night and today...finished a baby quilt, cut out blocks for another, finished a dish towel with snaps for the oven, etc. Paid the bills. Stayed at home on the couch as much as possible, although I did get out in the back yard during a sunny spell, and when I did I couldn't avoid finishing planting my summer dahlias and peonies (and the spring bulbs that I never planted last fall, and are sending up shoots already...dunno if those will bloom or not). I just have to work in the garden if I have a chance. I just finished replanting the shady side of the yard with shade-loving perennials. The previous owners had "re-landscaped" the yard for an attempt at selling the house before we rented it, and had planted that side with things that were not appropriate for shade, and as a result there were a few straggly sticks with a few leaves hanging onto them, scattered around. Now there are hellebores, bleeding hearts, hostas, bear's breeches, primroses, and a backdrop of 3 hydrangeas to fill in the shady side. I'm excited to see them fill in over the next few years. (I'm not normally a big fan of primroses, but they were the only thing that survived from the previous planting, and they have been there for at least 3 years, so I added some more to keep them company.)<br />
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I guess it's obvious that I don't sit still very well.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0