Week's End

It's been a week. We had 3 days of clinical orientation, our regularly scheduled classes, I had IVs yesterday morning, and a big exam yesterday. I've been up at 0530--or earlier--far too many times this week. It's funny, my class is starting to vaguely remember back six months ago, when the now-seniors told us, "You're going to be taking a lot of naps." Most of the time I just think fondly about a nap, as I rush off to do something else. But today I had a nice 2 hour nap, which was very needed. I also needed to be studying, but that didn't really happen...yet.

Hubby is driving here as we speak, and should be here by about 11. This is the third weekend in a row that we've been able to spend together, and folks, that is nice. Kiss your honey today and be glad you are able to see each other every day (if you are). I miss that, and it will be another 2 years before we have that luxury again.

Weight is holding steady...haven't gained, haven't lost. I had an awesome run on Tuesday that I thought would surely break some kind of distance or time record for me. I felt so strong and energetic. But when I mapped the route out, both my distance and time were just okay. Then yesterday's run, I felt like I was dragging, but I got out a much better distance (if not time). So, I don't know what to think of that. But I'm up to 13.5 miles this week and I still will run tomorrow, probably 3 miles. So I feel pretty good about that.

I'm starting to notice myself craving things that I haven't eaten in a very long time. Things like pasta. I've turned away from pasta without a glance backward for a long time now. I'm not on a super carb restriction, I just don't think there's a lot of nutritional value in pasta, especially yummy, white semolina pasta. But for over a week I've been getting these periodic cravings for delicious pasta. Don't know what that's about. I haven't decided if I'm going to fight the urge for a while longer or if it's better to just have the pasta and move on. I don't know if it's the kind of craving that goes away after you indulge it, or if it opens the basement door to let the Pasta Monster loose forever, destroying the landscape and smashing my best weight loss efforts like Godzilla.

I also notice that I'm not alone in slipping almost imperceptibly off the bandwagon after a year of weight loss effort. On a forum I visit, there is a group for people who were banded in the same month. My "Marchies" (March 07 bandsters) are a great group of supportive gals who have been at this the same amount of time and share many of the same experiences. About a month ago many on that group started reporting this kind of thing...a drop in their motivation, slipping up by letting more and more junk back into their diets. I can relate to that. Overall my diet is still not bad, but I definitely allow more junk in than I used to. Somehow I think we have to be able to learn how to have treats regularly without slipping back into old habits of eating them frequently. Who can live such an austere culinary life forever? I hear it said a lot, "If I could control my eating, I wouldn't have needed this surgery." But having this surgery is an opportunity to learn to control eating. Once the physiologic hunger is abated, that is one less thing to worry about as we try to control the heart of the issue: eating for all the other reasons besides hunger. Make no mistake, that is the hard part, and that's something I think most of us will spend the rest of our lives working on.

I think that has a lot to do with why many bandsters keep going back for fill after fill after fill, complaining that "I can still eat too much". That's looking for the solution in the wrong place. You CAN eat too much...you have to learn NOT to, somehow. Yes, it's not easy. I'm not suggesting that I've figured it out, either. But I do know that if the band is tight enough to force food out of your stomach after a few bites, it's too tight for your stomach to tolerate for long. We have to find a solution in our brain and our heart. That solution lies somewhere in connecting your brain back to your emotions, and learning to make treats occasional--but not rare--and keep our portions smaller. A small slice of cake isn't going to hurt you if it's not a regular occurance. But keeping your band so tight that you can only eat 2 bites of it WILL hurt you eventually.