Crazy?

I had a 2 week stall, around which there were some hormonal fluctuations...I weigh every day because it is an easy habit for me to stay in and it generally doesn't make me crazy.  So after two weeks of the same weight, today it dropped 8 lbs.  So weird!  I'm about 5 weeks out now and have a 28 lb loss, which is better than I ever did with my band.  The weight loss pattern does fit what I did with the band, just at a different rate: about 2 1/2 weeks out of 4, I lose normally, a bit slower than many others, then it stalls for 1 1/2 weeks, then drops again.  It's disconcerting but easier to see the pattern over the long term.  This is why I find daily weighing to be helpful, to see these trends.

And speaking of making me crazy.  This adventure can definitely make you feel crazy sometimes.  I have found myself being bitchy when I normally am almost never like that.  Not all the time, just on occasion and when I am back to normal I marvel that I ever behaved like that.  I suppose between the low calorie intake, hormonal swings with weight loss, and loss of food as a mood regulator, it's bound to happen to everyone.  I was spending some time on a gastric sleeve-specific forum, mainly because there aren't a whole lot of people to get support from in real life.  One day I just up and called out a poster's story as BS when I really didn't know if it was...and normally would never post something so inflammatory to people I don't know.  I honestly don't know what got into me.  Well, the "s" hit the fan, so to speak.  The thread blew up the internets on that forum.  It's sort of interesting how crazy we all can be.  I came back the next day, realized what an a-hole thing that was to do, and issued apologies, which were accepted by some people and others just assumed I am....I don't know what, dramatic or a rabble-rouser, or whatever.  It was embarrassing.  But in hindsight, not terribly surprising, everyone does something dumb sometimes, and this kind of life change can bring about some big personality changes, permanent or temporary.  I spend a lot less time on there now.  It's so dramatic, and I don't have time for that.  Plus, I feel much more normal now than I did even a few weeks ago, and less like I am having this totally foreign experience.

I now look at certain foods and just know that I can't eat them... not that I "shouldn't" eat them, but I just know they would not go down my stomach well, if at all.  Bread doesn't tempt me because I just can't physically eat it.  A big steak or a hamburger might look good but I know I can't eat it right now.  I probably will be able to eventually, but it doesn't really enter my mind as good or bad, just not an option.  Not so with the usual slider foods....chocolate goes down fine, I could do some damage if I'm not careful about that.  Chips too.  So it's certainly no magic bullet, but unlike the band, my behavior is really changed by what I know to be my physical limitations with certain foods.  What hasn't changed is my perception of what I can eat.  I still am having a hard time eating slowly and stopping before I am over-full.  Not once, several times.  It comes back.  That is a regular thing for a lot of banded people, but it never was for me, so it is strange to experience it now.  I'm trying to figure out a way to force myself to slow down.  I don't really pay attention when I am eating.  I'm either focusing on feeding my daughter or talking to someone, or doing something to distract myself if I am by myself eating.  I think I am going to try entering my food on My Fitness Pal while I am eating...to slow myself down before the next bite.  I still only eat about 7 or 8 bites before I am full.

I also noticed some changes with the "full" feeling vs. the "hungry" feeling.  I have noticed that I often feel MORE hungry right after I have eaten, but that in about 30 min it goes away and I feel full.  I don't know if that is the concept that they are referring to when experts say that it takes 30 min for the brain to register that your stomach is full.  It's oddly specific.  I really feel more hungry...and now I know when I feel that, not to eat more but to wait a little while.  If I still feel hungry after 30 min, I can eat something more.  I never do, though.  I never felt this either banded or before surgery.  In fact, I can feel very hungry after eating, and then after 30 min feel full enough that I am overfull.  It is odd.

I'm not doing more exercise than walking yet.  But I do want to start running again soon.  Just a little, start easy, don't injure myself.  I signed up for Bloomsday this year, in early May, but I think I am going to walk it with my hubby and Lucy in the stroller.  It's too soon to be ready to run it, even only partly, and it would be nice to do it all together.  Maybe Bloomsday this soon is crazy...I don't know.