Gone Forever

I cringe when I read the party lines about weight loss surgery: weight loss is portrayed as "forever". These 20 pounds are "gone forever!"  Get rid of your big clothes, you will never need them again!  Guess what: at some point, most of us regain.  If we follow our new plan closely, and are a bit lucky, we will just bounce up a little bit from our lowest weight (goal or below, hopefully).  That is the most common pattern.  But stuff happens--pregnancy, injuries, your lap band breaks--you know, stuff.  It's so easy for us to pile on the shame and guilt.  That's part of how we got here to begin with.  And it doesn't help any with weight loss.

I cringe at this complacency.  Obesity is a chronic illness.  If we are not diligent, we will relapse.  I have all kinds of eating issues.  I overeat in response to emotions.  I eat too fast.  I eat too much despite my small stomach--it still isn't much, but two bites too many means those two bites are coming back up, and that is both uncomfortable and not healthy for my esophagus.  I am working on getting ahead of these issues, but I know this is how I have behaved for most of my life, and if I don't stay diligent, I can easily sabotage this surgery and regain.  So I don't talk about pounds being "gone forever" and I don't get rid of big clothes anymore.  Getting rid of clothes hasn't prevented me from gaining in the past--it just emptied my closet and my wallet.

I just broke down my weight loss week by week, and I can't say I'm thrilled about it.  I lost 17 lbs in the first 2 weeks and I have lost about .75-1.0 lb per week since then.  It is a little faster than with the band, but not much (except that there was no initial quick loss with the band, so that's nice).  I have some other victories: several inches lost, one size smaller pants, one size smaller scrubs, and I'm down about 3% body fat.  But I eat an average of 800 calories a day, and always get at least 60g protein, usually more.  My carbs aren't super low, but they aren't high either.  I'm more active than before.  My Fitness Pal always tells me that if I keep my calories where they are, in 5 weeks I'll be some much smaller weight.  I actually marked this in my calendar 5 weeks ago.  Yesterday I was "supposed" to weigh 15 lbs less than I do.  Yeah, right.

So, maybe a few more calories will spur weight loss, maybe fewer calories...or maybe this is just how I am going to lose, and as long as I keep losing, it's okay.  I don't know.  But I won't say the weight is "gone forever."  I know better than to get that comfortable.