It's Offiical

-40 lbs today!  And officially at the weight I was when I met hubby.

It's funny how certain weights have significance, especially for people who have struggled with obesity and weight loss.  Of course, there are the major milestones, like getting under 200 lbs (or 300 lbs, or more).  And there are the nice round numbers of weight lost: 25 lbs, 50 lbs, 100 lbs.  But the ones that really stick with me are weights that remind me of particular times in my life.  This is one.  I had just lost about 40 lbs on Weight Watchers when I met hubby, and it was the lowest my weight got before it started to go back up, on its inexorable path toward my lap band 2 1/2 years later.  My next "significant" weight will be my pre-pregnancy weight: that's 7 lbs away.  Then there is my lowest weight with the band, 15 more lbs.  Anything lower than that is uncharted territory.  My lowest band weight was 165, which was also my weight when I was 19, the first time  that my weight really shocked me in my life.  (Oh, if only I could tell my 19 year old self a thing or two...like how I would look back at that time and see a much more beautiful teenager than I ever thought at the time.)  It wasn't that low again for another 17 years, nearly another lifetime for me then.

Losing 40 lbs in about 22 weeks is totally in reach for most people, without bariatric surgery.  But for me it is pretty much right on track, proving that bariatric endocrinologist I saw right.  He tested my metabolism and told me if I wanted to lose about 1 lb per week I would have to eat about 1000 cal a day.  I have lost slightly more than that eating 900-1000 cal per day.  I really need to do some resistance training to improve my fat loss, but it has been so difficult to even contemplate getting to the gym ever, much less on a regular basis.  I could look into a self-resistance workout: pushups and dips and other things with nothing but my own body.  Wouldn't that be a good idea?

But not right now.  My hubby is back in the hospital, still struggling with the same issues of trauma, PTSD, debilitating depression and substance abuse.  It's heartbreaking.  He has been sinking for over a month, and has been asking for help the whole time, and trying to arrange treatment himself with appropriate facilities and our insurance company.  Living with this disease is so much harder than anyone can imagine.  He did really well for over 6 months, but then rather abruptly slid back into despair.  It really is a matter of life and death.  Without adequate treatment, he will be dead in just a few short years, without a doubt.

So for now it's me and Lucy time.  Luckily, she's a good kid, and an easy kid.  The single parent thing is not easy by any means.  I still work 2 jobs (but rarely more than 40 hrs a week) and have to clean the house and feed us and take care of her, and take care of myself as well.  But it's going fine for the most part.  I'm just trying to lower my expectations of myself, not try to do everything perfectly all the time.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday.  It's raining like crazy here in Portland.  But we had an early summer a few weeks ago, so I'm not complaining.  I think it will be a hot summer.  Be safe, all.