Is.

Things are. They aren't good, aren't bad, just are. I'm very busy, natch. In addition to trying to be a full-time anesthesia student, and starting my research and thesis, I'm also going to a few Al Anon meetings a week, trying to get back to the Buddhist temple, and reading recovery lit. Oh yeah, and I should fit in some other "anon" meetings too. And keep running 3-4 times a week. It's been busy.

I think I'll try to find a therapist next week. Maybe that's a good next step. I've got time for that too, right? :)

I went for a run tonight at the GU gym. I like the place, it's simple and gets the job done, and there are no screaming kids in the locker room like McDonaldland was when I went there (aka YMCA). It has a pool, and I rarely have to wait for a treadmill, even when they are busy. BUT! You know what? There is something weird about the place. The girls there never get naked. I KNOW. How do they shower? How do they change? I don't know, never have I seen anyone naked there. I find this strange. I'm not trying to check anyone out. But this place is filled with young undergraduate women. I can only chalk this up to these girls mostly being too insecure about themselves to be comfortable enough to get in a towel and walk to the shower. You know, now that I think about it, I think I've only actually noticed a couple other people ever showering there. WTF?

Tonight was a good example. There were only two people in the locker room as I was blow drying my hair (something I have only recently started doing, only there, because it's about eleventy zillion degrees below freezing here). The other girl was suiting up to go do her thing. She actually took her bra off under her shirt. I haven't seen someone do that in a locker room since high school. Then she proceeded to go out to the fitness floor with a snug shirt and no bra. Now I wonder what was the point of all that?? I just had to shake my head. Here I am, 35 years old, belly covered with loose skin and scars, looking like a melted candle. And I have 10 times the self confidence of these girls, who are in the prime of their youth and all lovely. I'd love to have most of their bodies, but they seem to feel bad about theirs, or else they think everyone in the locker room is there to check them out, or is there a third option?