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Sunday, September 26, 2010

The waiting is the hardest part

Today is not a good day. I woke up with every part of me hurting. I'm very irritated.

I am avoiding the phone, and staying off Facebook. I just can't take anyone else asking me where the baby is. Know where she is? In my pelvis, hurting me. I know people care, and just want to know. I know I'm overly sensitive because every moment of every day, I know exactly where she is and that she isn't where I want her to be, which is out of my body. And I'm hormonal, and maybe a little unreasonable.

I started this whole adventure out wanting to avoid any artificial induction--the thought being, labor induction leads to all the other interventions that I want to avoid. And I still think that's a good plan. But like Chris Rock says in his famous comedy bit-- I UNDERSTAND. I totally get being ready to just deliver and be done with this part, and move on with life. My OB is really great, and very supportive of my desires to avoid unnecessary interventions, and she even suggested I try some acupuncture (which I did, twice, and which doesn't seem to have helped), and I've tried every other at-home technique except castor oil (no thank you).

And of course, every day I spend on FMLA pregnant is one less day I get to spend with my baby. Either way, I go back to work Dec 1. This country's family leave policies SUCK. I was actually lucky to even get FMLA--I wouldn't have qualified, since I just started this job a couple months ago, except someone advised me to ask if my previous employment at the same hospital made me eligible, and it did. I don't have any more paid leave than before, but at least I don't have to pay COBRA for insurance, and my job is protected (not that they would let me go after spending so much money training me).

The whole idea of a "due date" is a huge mind f*ck. Half of all babies arrive after their due date. But we get this "date" in our heads--you really can't help it, the whole pregnancy focuses on this due date. And when the date comes and goes, you have to readjust, even though part of you knew this would probably happen. It is hard to really be prepared for the extra waiting, even if in the grand scheme it is a relatively short period of time. When you are so uncomfortable, and your brain can only fixate on this one thing, it seems impossible to wait another moment.

So, appointment tomorrow, and we'll see where we go from here. Sorry about the complaining. It's about all I feel like I can do right now. I do hope to have something better to report soon.


amandakiska said...

Oh honey...I've so been there! I wish there was a magic solution, but, alas, there is not.

Except I would suggest planning something you really, really want to do - like a night out in a hotel or a concert or something. The baby's sure to come if you are actually looking forward to something else!

I worked up until my babies came to avoid the being off work and waiting thing (and feeling like I was wasting my maternity leave).

One way or another, that baby is coming! Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I have actually never posted here and I haven't even read your blog in about a year. (Well, that is because I chickened out of lapband for myself and am still sitting here fat, but let's not go there). Anyway, congrats on the pregnancy. I just wanted to send you some words of encouragement. Well actually I don't have any, I can only sympathize with you because I actually went to 42 weeks and it sucked BIG TIME! I was depressed, sad and angry. I felt like I was being robbed of what was supposed to be the happiest time. All I can say is hang in there, it will pass. When babe is in hand and all is well nothing else will matter. A whole new whirlwind is going to begin and it is going to be so awesome. I hope it happens soon. Good luck.