The good things are: I've lost 4 pounds, and I have a lot less hunger and cravings for sugary foods since I started tapering. I'm on about half the dose I have been taking at this point. Today I made a Costco run, and was shocked that I didn't even have any desire to get anything in the bakery section (a killer for me, usually) or any sugary goodies. It made the trip much quicker than usual!
The bad, or confusing, things are: I have a hard time letting go of this phase of our lives. Even though pumping doesn't have as many positives connected to it as nursing does, it does feel kind of like weaning from nursing. If Lucy was nursing, instead of just taking expressed milk from a bottle, I would still be doing it and not even considering stopping, even if I gained another 40 pounds over the next 6 months. (Okay, maybe not that much.) But pumping, and only pumping, with a nearly-6-month-old, is tough. Still, I love that I can give her my own milk. It's not saving me any money, between pumping supplies and medication, but it's so good for her, and she enjoys it more than formula, and it's something that only I can make just for her. I will miss that. But this weekend I have another painful blister that bleeds and makes me question pumping at all right now. So I feel it's time to start letting go of pumping, yet I have a hard time with it.
I do want my body back. I do want to fit into clothes and to be able to run again. And I'm mostly sure I want to have another baby, one more, and cannot stand the idea of getting pregnant at an even higher weight and gaining even more weight. I have to give myself these pep talks and remind myself why I am doing this.
Fill and upper GI on April 14!