Getting Back On Track

Someone asked in the comments how pregnancy with the band was different. I don't know, since I wasn't pregnant without a lap band. But for the most part, it wasn't much of an issue for me. I did have some, but not all, fill removed; I went from about 3.5cc (in 4cc band) to 2.5 at about 10 weeks. I considered trying to remove more at the end of my pregnancy but decided not to; I couldn't eat much at the end (and felt very full anyway) but it wasn't a "restriction" issue, my stomach was just too compressed by the baby, and I don't think the band was making much of a difference there. I do think the band helped keep my weight gain within the recommended range--since I started out overweight, the recommended weight gain for pregnancy was 15-25 lbs. (My total ended up being 29 lbs, but I gained the last 7 pounds in the last 2 weeks, all in fluid.) I did have a lot of heartburn throughout the pregnancy, but I don't think that would have changed at all with less fill in the band, either.

My final verdict: band helped keep my weight in check, and really no negative effects noted.

Yesterday, I went back to the gym for the first time since about a week before Lucy's birth. (6 weeks total). I was swimming there pretty regularly through the last trimester, but not doing anything else. Now, I want to start running again. I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill, mostly at a brisk walk, but I did run a few minutes. This was the first time in almost a year! I stopped running just a few weeks into my pregnancy because I couldn't keep my heart rate within the recommended range, so I just walked. It felt good to run again. Maybe I'll go outside to run today--it's a beautiful, sunny Portland day, unseasonably warm for November.

The next step is improving my eating, and determining if I need to bump up my fill again. I graze a lot. And lately, I've grazed a lot of sugary goods, so I need to work on that. I didn't really pay too much attention to what I was eating at the end of my pregnancy--I wasn't worried about weight gain, I wasn't able to eat very much at a time anyway, and I was getting good nutrition. But now, I have a goal weight that I would like to see again within the next year.

I probably won't return for a fill before going back to work, and when I do, I know they will want me to have an upper GI, since they recommended that when I switched to the local band doc in Spokane (who declined to do the upper GI, deeming it unnecessary.) I don't mind doing it, but I'm not sure insurance will cover it, so I definitely need to be working again.

Baby's fussing--got to go.

Lucy Pics--10-15-2010

A New Life

It has already been a month since Lucy was born. It seems hard to believe. In fact, tomorrow is 5 weeks. The time has certainly flown quickly. I can't believe I have to go back to work in just 4 weeks. I don't mind working, but leaving Lucy will be hard, even if only for 3 days a week.

So far, I have to say that I enjoy every bit of being a mother. I didn't necessarily expect this. I have been childless for a long time--37 years, in fact. While I have always known that I wanted children, when it came to be time, I didn't know if I would miss my old life, the convenience of not having to worry about all the things that go along with having children. So far, this hasn't happened once. It's just such a different life, but I haven't found anything about it I don't love yet.

I'm also enjoying the SAHM thing for this brief time. I'm sure lots of moms think the same thing when they are on maternity leave, and find that months or years of it is a very different proposition. But right now, it's something that I didn't think I would enjoy so much. Of course, I have a pretty low maintenance little baby, and only one of them. She can't really get into anything or talk back to me, or make much of a mess. She sleeps a lot. So other than sleeplessness, this is probably about the easiest it gets as a SAHM. Still, I am enjoying it, and appreciating the fact that it is such a short time. It's definitely work, and a different kind of work, trying to keep up with housekeeping, baby laundry, and taking care of baby and myself, plus trying to support my hubby, who is working hard. I could stay home rather than go back to work, but having just finished school and started my new career, and with all the student loans I have, it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me not to go back to work. And I do enjoy what I do, and want to get my practice really going, and become a better anesthetist. As I have noted before, I work 3 days a week, so while they are long ones, it's a pretty good schedule for a parent. I'll see how I feel after a few months of it.

My weight is another matter. I'm not checking it now. It went back up about 5 pounds after my lowest weight. I believe this is because I am taking domperidone to increase my milk supply. (This is because of my breast reduction surgery which I had in 2001, which impacted my ability to produce milk.) I have read about this before, and most women say that the weight comes off once the drug is discontinued. But, I don't like my weight going back up, and I was really looking forward to working towards my goal weight again. I am stuck in my sort of "in between" clothes. All in all, it's not a huge deal to me at this point, but this being a WLS blog, it is worth mentioning. In six months, if I am still dealing with this, it WILL be a big deal. But hopefully we won't have to worry about that!

Adjusting

I am blogging my mommy-posts over on my daughter's very own blog. If you are interested, it is called Dear Lucy. It can be found at lucy-evelyn.blogspot.com. If not, I'll try to resume my more WLS-type posting here. I have been posting over there fairly frequently. As you can probably imagine (especially if you've been through this before), this is what is really my whole life right now, so I have a lot of thoughts to share with Lucy, and the world.

Meanwhile, my weight got down to about 2 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight, and I think it's stopped there for now. That's a 27 lb weight loss in 2 weeks, so I really can't complain. I think it has stopped there because I started taking a medication to increase my milk production, and it tends to cause a lot of women to retain weight (not necessarily gain) despite the increased calories required for nursing. We'll see if that changes soon, but I'm not too worried about it. Today I fit into pre-pregnancy jeans--two sizes above my "skinny" jeans, but still, not maternity clothes. I felt that was an NSV! And I'm able to wear heels for the first time since my first trimester (I got way too unstable after that for heels!).

I've been sorting my clothes, actually, packing away the maternity clothes and finding my fall and winter clothes, figuring out what fits now and what will fit later. I didn't expect it to be so bittersweet. I am still not totally mentally adjusted to no longer being pregnant. And I don't know if I ever will be pregnant again--I don't know if we want to have another child (I know my husband does, but I hadn't planned on a second) and I don't know if it will be harder in a few years or not. I don't know if I even need to keep the maternity clothes, or if I should pass them on again (I received most of them from my SIL's friend, and the rest were "fat" clothes I saved along the way).

I still feel a little weird going out into the "world"--in the first couple days, I felt like an alien disguised as a human. To other people I looked like a normal, somewhat overweight woman, but they didn't know I had just had a baby a few days before. I was emotional and exhausted and out in the world only for as long as I had to be. Now I feel more adjusted and normal, but still trying to get used to being a different person yet again--not a pregnant woman, but a mother of a very young infant. It's a big mental adjustment.

We'll try to return to our previously scheduled content soon, with occasional Lucy updates...

Birth Story

I did write out Lucy's birth story. I started a new blog for her, called "Dear Lucy...Letters to my Daughter" I posted her birth story there; check it out!

One more thing...

...since this started out as a lap band blog, I should note that I have lost 24 lbs since Lucy's birth. I gained 29 (7 in the last week) so I'm 5 lbs over prepregnancy weight. Another good thing about nursing a baby... :)

More Lucy pics

Babymoon

The first 8 days have been wonderful, exhausting, and filled with emotion. I have definitely had stress (parents stayed with us for 6 days! until I asked them to leave a day early...) but we have been blessed with a peaceful and mellow (so far) child, and I am trying to soak in every moment of having a newborn. She loves to snuggle, and we love to snuggle her. Tonight I'm trying to get her used to sleeping somewhere other than one of her parents' arms, but it's hard because I want to hold her all the time.

One of the biggest joys and challenges for me so far has been nursing. My lap band surgery definitely impacted the pregnancy, but my breast reduction has a greater impact now on my life than the lap band. I had breast reduction surgery in 2001. At the time, I was 28, divorced for less than 2 years, and had no prospect or intention of ever remarrying. I knew I wanted to have children, and also knew that if I did have a child I would like to be able to breastfeed, but I felt that it was a distant possibility, while my back pain and difficulty with exercising were a present reality. My surgeon told me that breastfeeding was unlikely given all the manipulation of the duct tissue. And I had a lot of tissue removed, so when it came time to actually plan a pregnancy, I didn't know what to expect. I did a lot of reading on the subject, discovered that there are lots of women with my history who successfully breastfeed their babies, and that it was definitely possible. (For more information, visit bfar.org.)

I'm still glad I had the surgery, because for the past 9 years it has greatly improved my quality of life. Luckily, I have been able to nurse and pump milk for my daughter, although I have had to supplement with formula because I don't quite make enough to keep up with her. What I didn't realize was just how invested I would be in being able to nurse my child. She lost too much weight in the first couple days, and when I brought her back to the pediatrician and saw how much weight she had lost, I burst into tears. I cried again the first two times my husband gave her a bottle of formula, heartbroken that she was hungry after I had fed her, and devastated that I had to give her formula. I knew in my head that this was a possibility, but for my heart it was another matter.

Now I am discovering how closely stress is related to the ability to lactate and nurse effectively. Lucy can tell when I am tense and she won't latch then. When I am relaxed, she does great. What I am able to pump is also affected by how stressed I am. This is why I asked my parents to leave early--I just wasn't able to relax enough to get our nursing relationship the way I wanted it. My parents weren't helping out, they were expecting to be treated more like guests on vacation, and they were stressing my husband and me out. I love them, but it was too much with a new baby. So now we have our privacy to bond with Lucy, and I am working on keeping things as mellow and calm as possible with the nursing. As much as I am able to do, I will be grateful to have.

Time to feed and cuddle Lucy. :)

Lucy: 9-28-2010

She's Here!

Finally! Lucille (Lucy) Evelyn arrived at 12:05am on Tuesday morning, September 28. It was a fast labor, especially for a first time mom, and she is beautiful and amazing. Everything was worth it, even the waiting. :)

I hope to get around to posting her birth story sometime soon. It will be long, as it was an exciting one, but also a perfectly healthy and normal one. She was very nearly born in the car on the way to the hospital! Right now I am enjoying the first quiet in the house since we got home Weds night; everyone is asleep, and I got up from a nap an hour ago.

I tried posting pictures, but it's not working right now, so I will try again the next chance I get.