Weight Loss

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I've been feeling bloated the last couple of days. We ate really poorly this weekend, for a variety of reasons, and I gained a few pounds. It's weird how gaining just a couple of pounds brings me from feeling pretty thin and successful right back to "fat". I feel like I can see it all over, I feel like none of my clothes fit me or look good on me. 3 pounds did that...wtf?

Those 3 pounds feel like they are right in my belly, my #1 problem area anyway. When my belly feels fat and bloated, there is no way to feel good about my appearance. I feel like I can hardly move. It's so psychological.

Lately I've been examining the way my parents used food when I was growing up. As I think about it, they both really abused food--one parent is a compulsive overeater, the other had a variety of eating disorders all through my childhood. There was no chemical dependency in my family, but there was this kind of addiction. Odd that I didn't really confront this head-on when preparing for bariatric surgery. I looked at my own relationship with food, and decided that I had a tendency to misuse food, and knew I needed to work on that. And I have worked on that; it's not "cured" by any means, but it is better and I have more awareness when I am eating for reasons other than being hungry. But I think there is a bit more work to be done if I am to maintain my weight loss. I think this family history is what made me attracted to a person with addiction issues. Since we didn't have any obvious chemical dependency in my house growing up, it was a bit of a mystery how I could end up this kind of codependent, yet I am.

Things are going better, though. Recovery is happening in our home, slowly but surely. There is no cure, but we can be happy again, and we are.


Diz said...

I did the same thing. My family has nothing but addictions and I ended up marrying an alcoholic. Weird how we're attracted to the familiar. Yes, I believe you both can be happy again too. I wish you well on the journey of self examination.

Inspiration said...

I hear you about the 3 lbs and being bloated...nothing can make you feel better. It seems that the smaller you get, the more that just a couple lbs make the difference. I am up a few pounds and my work pants are all tight, I am like WTF...I used to go up 10 lbs easy when I was heavier and no impact on clothing.

It's amazing how your childhood life sets the stage of food forever. It's a constant battle that I am trying to fight.

I am glad to hear you are working things out and happy...that's what matters!