Breakfast 2+ hours ago: 1 c. of eggs scrambled with veggie sausage and onions. So far: not hungry. I assembled 2 pies just now and put them in the oven (one for my friend who watched my kitty while I was gone, one for friends we are visiting tonight) and had no urges to nibble the fruit or anything.
I'm hopeful that this will help.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Click: Love it!
So far I have lost 6 pounds this week, as of this morning. After my fill yesterday, the PA didn't say anything about how I should eat the rest of the day--and I forgot to ask. So I went with what I was always told by my original band surgeon--liquids for the rest of the day, then start up slowly the next day. I think this might be a little bit outdated, I'm not sure, but it's definitely safe. I didn't get that hungry at all yesterday, so that's good.
After the fill I stopped at Super Supplements to pick up some protein for the rest of the day. I don't keep much on hand, because I've never been a big believer in protein shakes as a daily part of band life (I know many people are). But I thought I should try some new ones, so I had some recommendations from Melting Mama's blog, and went to see if I could find some of the stuff there.
I found Click--the espresso protein shake that MM raves about. I like her product revie
ws because she is super picky--so if she likes it, I'm pretty sure I will like it, I'm way less picky than her. Anyway, WOW. It is great. It mixes easily in a shaker, no icky protein-y taste or texture. Tastes really good. And 2 scoops in 12 oz. has a double shot of espresso, and 15 g protein, for just 120 calories. It tastes great mixed in just water--I added a tiny bit of half and half afterward, but it probably didn't need it. I've had it over ice this morning and yesterday; it's supposed to be very good heated, but they recommend heating it after you mix it (I think MM actually adds hot water to the powder though). This stuff could definitely replace my morning coffee and give me some extra protein for the day. And I feel a bit better about replacing my morning coffee with something better for me rather than replacing a solid meal with a protein shake--since solid meals are how the band actually works, I don't like the idea of drinking liquid calories. Maybe that doesn't make much sense, but anyway, love Click. Highly recommended.
More later on restriction, is it here or not?
After the fill I stopped at Super Supplements to pick up some protein for the rest of the day. I don't keep much on hand, because I've never been a big believer in protein shakes as a daily part of band life (I know many people are). But I thought I should try some new ones, so I had some recommendations from Melting Mama's blog, and went to see if I could find some of the stuff there.
I found Click--the espresso protein shake that MM raves about. I like her product revie
ws because she is super picky--so if she likes it, I'm pretty sure I will like it, I'm way less picky than her. Anyway, WOW. It is great. It mixes easily in a shaker, no icky protein-y taste or texture. Tastes really good. And 2 scoops in 12 oz. has a double shot of espresso, and 15 g protein, for just 120 calories. It tastes great mixed in just water--I added a tiny bit of half and half afterward, but it probably didn't need it. I've had it over ice this morning and yesterday; it's supposed to be very good heated, but they recommend heating it after you mix it (I think MM actually adds hot water to the powder though). This stuff could definitely replace my morning coffee and give me some extra protein for the day. And I feel a bit better about replacing my morning coffee with something better for me rather than replacing a solid meal with a protein shake--since solid meals are how the band actually works, I don't like the idea of drinking liquid calories. Maybe that doesn't make much sense, but anyway, love Click. Highly recommended.More later on restriction, is it here or not?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Not just a fill....
I went to my (new) band surgeon today, because of course, as I have been posting for some time now, I am gaining and feeling out of control and needing help. It had been over a year since my last appointment, so I needed to be seen anyway.
I saw the PA (his name is Brian) and explained briefly what is going on. We went over how much I can eat, my exercise etc. I explained that my lowest weight was 13 pounds less than I am today, and the last time I was in my weight was about 15 pounds higher than it is now. (So, slightly better than I was then, but definitely lost some ground.) Yep, we both decided, let's do a fill.
Now, let's see...
The band was empty. Completely. Should have had 2.5 cc. Nothing.
Well, that explains a bit. And it isn't great news. Despite what a lot of band folks say about band leaks, bands really don't leak just part of their fluid. If there is truly a leak somewhere in the system, they go flat, just like a tire, because it is under pressure. Sometimes a little bit of fluid "goes missing" and no one is really able to adequately explain that. But a completely empty band that should have had fluid in it, that was known to have a certain amount of fluid in it at the last visit, is not a very good sign for the integrity of the band.
He refilled me to 2.5 cc, since I tolerated it fine last time. (I've never, ever been overfilled. Ever.) That's a big fill for one shot, but since I have had more and been fine in the past, and since I have never been too tight, barfed, PB'd, had any reflux, or anything, I agreed that it should be fine. He told me to come back in 2 weeks and he would recheck the level. If it needs to be filled again, he will fill me without extra charge. If I lose restriction prior to that, call the office.
If the fluid leaks out, we try replacing the port. (My understanding is that this is an in-office procedure.) If that doesn't work, I need a revision. I had already decided months ago that if I ever needed a revision, I was converting to a sleeve. BUT. My insurance doesn't cover bariatric surgery (or even medical weight loss). Even if I had the money now, I don't have the time, with 8 months left of school. And by the time I have a job, I am hoping to be pregnant, which delays this even further. (But also allows me to have more cash for this thing.) So, all around it is pretty sucky timing for me.
Here's hoping that I don't have to go down that road. I'd really rather not, at all. But if it comes to that, I know what I want to do, and it will be affordable (for me) by the time I have both the time and the ability to pay for it.
Meanwhile, it's not all about me. My hubby has some serious things going on with his child--nothing I want to talk about here on the blog, because it is not mine to share with the whole world. But any extra nice thoughts coming their way would be much appreciated. And yes, I am concerned, on multiple levels, and we will get through this together.
I saw the PA (his name is Brian) and explained briefly what is going on. We went over how much I can eat, my exercise etc. I explained that my lowest weight was 13 pounds less than I am today, and the last time I was in my weight was about 15 pounds higher than it is now. (So, slightly better than I was then, but definitely lost some ground.) Yep, we both decided, let's do a fill.
Now, let's see...
The band was empty. Completely. Should have had 2.5 cc. Nothing.
Well, that explains a bit. And it isn't great news. Despite what a lot of band folks say about band leaks, bands really don't leak just part of their fluid. If there is truly a leak somewhere in the system, they go flat, just like a tire, because it is under pressure. Sometimes a little bit of fluid "goes missing" and no one is really able to adequately explain that. But a completely empty band that should have had fluid in it, that was known to have a certain amount of fluid in it at the last visit, is not a very good sign for the integrity of the band.
He refilled me to 2.5 cc, since I tolerated it fine last time. (I've never, ever been overfilled. Ever.) That's a big fill for one shot, but since I have had more and been fine in the past, and since I have never been too tight, barfed, PB'd, had any reflux, or anything, I agreed that it should be fine. He told me to come back in 2 weeks and he would recheck the level. If it needs to be filled again, he will fill me without extra charge. If I lose restriction prior to that, call the office.
If the fluid leaks out, we try replacing the port. (My understanding is that this is an in-office procedure.) If that doesn't work, I need a revision. I had already decided months ago that if I ever needed a revision, I was converting to a sleeve. BUT. My insurance doesn't cover bariatric surgery (or even medical weight loss). Even if I had the money now, I don't have the time, with 8 months left of school. And by the time I have a job, I am hoping to be pregnant, which delays this even further. (But also allows me to have more cash for this thing.) So, all around it is pretty sucky timing for me.
Here's hoping that I don't have to go down that road. I'd really rather not, at all. But if it comes to that, I know what I want to do, and it will be affordable (for me) by the time I have both the time and the ability to pay for it.
Meanwhile, it's not all about me. My hubby has some serious things going on with his child--nothing I want to talk about here on the blog, because it is not mine to share with the whole world. But any extra nice thoughts coming their way would be much appreciated. And yes, I am concerned, on multiple levels, and we will get through this together.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Control
Okay, actually, I do remember one thing I was going to blog about.
In the past several months, one of the things that I have been learning about is control: specifically, the illusion of having control. Just like any other codependent, I have survived by trying to exert control in areas that I truly have no control. Mostly this is about other people's behavior; we (I) think that we can control other people's behavior, but we can't. We have no control over what other people do. In fact, there is very little in life that we really have control over. It's a rather revolutionary idea, because at least in the US, a lot of our culture revolves around creating your own destiny, which implies that you have much more control over what happens in life than you really do have. Learning to let go of this idea and accept that we can't control others, or the future, or very much at all other than our own actions, is a big part of becoming more satisfied with life.
Yesterday it dawned on me that there is another area of life that I do not have control over: my own body! Now, hear me out, because I know that most weight loss gurus, of the diet/exercise variety and WLS both, tout the idea that we do have control here. But the only thing we have control over is our own behavior: what we eat, how much we eat, how and when we exercise. What our bodies do with what we give them is NOT in our control.
Think about it: studies have proven over and over that after a major weight loss, formerly obese people's metabolic rates plummet. This is why diets don't work: our bodies try to conserve by dropping our metabolic requirements dramatically, so if you start eating more food you will easily regain, even if it isn't much. There are lots of calculators available online to determine your metabolic rate based on height and weight and gender, but none of them account for your body type or any factors that mitigate your own metabolism. How could they? There are so many. It is false to believe that all women who are 5'5" and 150 pounds have the same caloric requirements; a woman who has always naturally been that size can consume more calories without gaining than a woman who got to that size after a 2 year major weight loss. We all know this instinctively, but yet are told otherwise.
My point is that we tend to believe that if we eat what we have figured out is the right amount of food and exercise the right amount, we can force our bodies to lose a particular amount of weight. In reality, we do not have control over what our bodies do with the energy we put in and use. We have a good idea of the effect we can have by doing certain things, but we do not have that control. That's why it takes trial and error to actually lose weight. Yes, we have control over what we DO. NO, we do NOT have control over what happens after that. Usually it works out the way we think it should, but we don't have that control, we only think we do. Our bodies are ingenious in altering cellular energy requirements to maximize its ability to store fuel for future use, especially among those of us more prone to obesity, and especially among those of us who have recently lost a large amount of excess weight.
This realization helped me to gain a little perspective on my recent regain. It's not a moral failing--I knew this intellectually, but not emotionally. After all this time, my body has dropped my metabolism even more, and my habits have slipped so that the combination of the two made a regain pretty easy. It makes the road back seem a little easier. I can change my behavior, and my body should respond. But I can't actually cause my body to lose the weight. Maybe this distinction seems entirely semantic, but I think it's a big difference. If I worry less about the things I can't control, I can focus more on the things I can--my behavior.
In the past several months, one of the things that I have been learning about is control: specifically, the illusion of having control. Just like any other codependent, I have survived by trying to exert control in areas that I truly have no control. Mostly this is about other people's behavior; we (I) think that we can control other people's behavior, but we can't. We have no control over what other people do. In fact, there is very little in life that we really have control over. It's a rather revolutionary idea, because at least in the US, a lot of our culture revolves around creating your own destiny, which implies that you have much more control over what happens in life than you really do have. Learning to let go of this idea and accept that we can't control others, or the future, or very much at all other than our own actions, is a big part of becoming more satisfied with life.
Yesterday it dawned on me that there is another area of life that I do not have control over: my own body! Now, hear me out, because I know that most weight loss gurus, of the diet/exercise variety and WLS both, tout the idea that we do have control here. But the only thing we have control over is our own behavior: what we eat, how much we eat, how and when we exercise. What our bodies do with what we give them is NOT in our control.
Think about it: studies have proven over and over that after a major weight loss, formerly obese people's metabolic rates plummet. This is why diets don't work: our bodies try to conserve by dropping our metabolic requirements dramatically, so if you start eating more food you will easily regain, even if it isn't much. There are lots of calculators available online to determine your metabolic rate based on height and weight and gender, but none of them account for your body type or any factors that mitigate your own metabolism. How could they? There are so many. It is false to believe that all women who are 5'5" and 150 pounds have the same caloric requirements; a woman who has always naturally been that size can consume more calories without gaining than a woman who got to that size after a 2 year major weight loss. We all know this instinctively, but yet are told otherwise.
My point is that we tend to believe that if we eat what we have figured out is the right amount of food and exercise the right amount, we can force our bodies to lose a particular amount of weight. In reality, we do not have control over what our bodies do with the energy we put in and use. We have a good idea of the effect we can have by doing certain things, but we do not have that control. That's why it takes trial and error to actually lose weight. Yes, we have control over what we DO. NO, we do NOT have control over what happens after that. Usually it works out the way we think it should, but we don't have that control, we only think we do. Our bodies are ingenious in altering cellular energy requirements to maximize its ability to store fuel for future use, especially among those of us more prone to obesity, and especially among those of us who have recently lost a large amount of excess weight.
This realization helped me to gain a little perspective on my recent regain. It's not a moral failing--I knew this intellectually, but not emotionally. After all this time, my body has dropped my metabolism even more, and my habits have slipped so that the combination of the two made a regain pretty easy. It makes the road back seem a little easier. I can change my behavior, and my body should respond. But I can't actually cause my body to lose the weight. Maybe this distinction seems entirely semantic, but I think it's a big difference. If I worry less about the things I can't control, I can focus more on the things I can--my behavior.
Unwelcome Souvenirs
I just got back from a nice week at the coast for our anniversary trip. Going to the Oregon coast has become a tradition for us--our 3 wedding anniversaries have all been spent there. It's affordable and relaxing, what's not to love? It's one of my favorite places.
Upon returning from the coast, I discovered I had gained 5 pounds. I despaired. After two days of eating carefully, the 5 pounds are mysteriously gone. So, clearly, water weight, but still. There was a number on my scale that I haven't seen in over 18 months, and I'm still too close to that number for comfort. Fill tomorrow, and much more careful eating from here on out.
It's my birthday today, and we are planning on sushi for a birthday dinner. This can be done without loads of unnecessary calories, plus it is one of my favorite foods, so that's what we'll do.
I've had a lot of blog ideas lately, but at the moment they escape me, so perhaps there will be a flurry of new posts soon? Let's hope...!
Upon returning from the coast, I discovered I had gained 5 pounds. I despaired. After two days of eating carefully, the 5 pounds are mysteriously gone. So, clearly, water weight, but still. There was a number on my scale that I haven't seen in over 18 months, and I'm still too close to that number for comfort. Fill tomorrow, and much more careful eating from here on out.
It's my birthday today, and we are planning on sushi for a birthday dinner. This can be done without loads of unnecessary calories, plus it is one of my favorite foods, so that's what we'll do.
I've had a lot of blog ideas lately, but at the moment they escape me, so perhaps there will be a flurry of new posts soon? Let's hope...!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Habit is the Enemy of Progress
I don't know if I read that somewhere or I made it up, but that is what came to mind when I started this morning's run. This, after stepping on the scale and discovering I have regained 14 pounds since my all-time low in late January.
(Here's the rationalization paragraph, brace yourself.) I will say that the way I got to my all-time low weight might have something to do with the regain. It was during that month when my personal life blew up and I was under even more stress than I have been since starting anesthesia school. The stress caused me to stop eating (I just wasn't hungry and couldn't make myself eat) and I was running to combat the stress, and I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. Slowly, in the 6 months since then, I have regained them, plus a couple more for good measure. Also, probably 2 pounds of this is hormonal water weight.
Still, it's not just that. I'm running more in the past few weeks, but this entire spring and early summer I have slacked off in the exercise department. And my eating goes from okay to abysmal. I went over what I ate yesterday, and I can't even record it here. It's awful. No bandster should eat as much sugar and junk as I have been eating. A fill won't fix that. That's my brain.
I think long-term weight loss success is a personal experiment. I have a scientific background, and I believe in the scientific method. For the past year I have been testing the hypothesis that I can rely entirely on my band to maintain my weight loss. I think I have established that this is not a valid theory. So it's time to come up with a new hypothesis (on purpose, this time!) and make this thing work.
I've wanted to believe that somehow, since my WLS, I could eat and act like a normal person, and maintaining my weight would become natural and easy. But I now accept the idea of food addiction, and the fact that I am a food addict. I need my band because, left to my own devices, I will eat myself to death. But even with it, I have to make some changes in my brain and keep working at them. They don't have to be hard, but the thing I have to fight is falling back into bad habits and thinking. I've developed some good eating habits, riding the wave of easily following them, and then not noticed when they slowly eroded into my old ways. Habit is the enemy of progress.
I want progress. I want to reach my goal. I want to change my brain. So how can I do that, in small, easy-to-implement steps?
1. Start noticing not-hungry again, and don't eat when not hungry
2. Start noticing 'satisfied' again, and be vigilant when eating; stop eating when satisfied.
3. Serve myself my own portions (I will eat everything on my plate, so must be more careful about this)
4. Focus on protein again
This is a start. There are a lot more things I want to change about my thinking, things like the idea that if food shows up in an unexpected place (i.e. in my classroom, at a meeting) then it's "free" and I can eat whatever it is, whether I'm hungry or not, whether it's in my plan or not. And I do need to get back to planning out my meals, the very thought of which just makes me tired and annoyed. This is much more about eating and thinking than it is about exercise.
Right now I am frustrated and tired of all of this. Why can't I be a normal person? But then, who is normal these days?
(Here's the rationalization paragraph, brace yourself.) I will say that the way I got to my all-time low weight might have something to do with the regain. It was during that month when my personal life blew up and I was under even more stress than I have been since starting anesthesia school. The stress caused me to stop eating (I just wasn't hungry and couldn't make myself eat) and I was running to combat the stress, and I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. Slowly, in the 6 months since then, I have regained them, plus a couple more for good measure. Also, probably 2 pounds of this is hormonal water weight.
Still, it's not just that. I'm running more in the past few weeks, but this entire spring and early summer I have slacked off in the exercise department. And my eating goes from okay to abysmal. I went over what I ate yesterday, and I can't even record it here. It's awful. No bandster should eat as much sugar and junk as I have been eating. A fill won't fix that. That's my brain.
I think long-term weight loss success is a personal experiment. I have a scientific background, and I believe in the scientific method. For the past year I have been testing the hypothesis that I can rely entirely on my band to maintain my weight loss. I think I have established that this is not a valid theory. So it's time to come up with a new hypothesis (on purpose, this time!) and make this thing work.
I've wanted to believe that somehow, since my WLS, I could eat and act like a normal person, and maintaining my weight would become natural and easy. But I now accept the idea of food addiction, and the fact that I am a food addict. I need my band because, left to my own devices, I will eat myself to death. But even with it, I have to make some changes in my brain and keep working at them. They don't have to be hard, but the thing I have to fight is falling back into bad habits and thinking. I've developed some good eating habits, riding the wave of easily following them, and then not noticed when they slowly eroded into my old ways. Habit is the enemy of progress.
I want progress. I want to reach my goal. I want to change my brain. So how can I do that, in small, easy-to-implement steps?
1. Start noticing not-hungry again, and don't eat when not hungry
2. Start noticing 'satisfied' again, and be vigilant when eating; stop eating when satisfied.
3. Serve myself my own portions (I will eat everything on my plate, so must be more careful about this)
4. Focus on protein again
This is a start. There are a lot more things I want to change about my thinking, things like the idea that if food shows up in an unexpected place (i.e. in my classroom, at a meeting) then it's "free" and I can eat whatever it is, whether I'm hungry or not, whether it's in my plan or not. And I do need to get back to planning out my meals, the very thought of which just makes me tired and annoyed. This is much more about eating and thinking than it is about exercise.
Right now I am frustrated and tired of all of this. Why can't I be a normal person? But then, who is normal these days?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Born to Run
The scale is fickle and stubborn. Or else, it's stuck. Seeing how it's a digital scale, I doubt it's the latter, although it would make me feel better. It might have something to do with the pies I baked over the weekend...nah! Couldn't be. I made an appointment for a fill, and they rescheduled it for 3 weeks later...bleh!
For us in the eastern part of the state, the temps have cooled down a bit to the high 80s, while the West Side (i.e. Seattle) is sweltering this week, with over 100 degree temps. They are in a temperate weather zone, and are unaccustomed to temperature extremes over there. Few homes have AC, even a window unit. People are scampering to get the last fans at the hardware stores. It's a similar scene to 7 months ago, when they were trying to get by with 2 snowplows for the entire county when they had a rare snowstorm. But here, people are more used to the hot summers, and it is a little less humid (not that it's very humid in Seattle). It makes evening running a lot more pleasant, anyway.
I'm still trying to get my mileage back up after a long spring and early summer of slacking, mainly due to scheduling problems. My school schedule is now a bit unpredictable, and when I am working evenings it can be hard to get a run in before the temps are over 85 degrees. But I was looking back at my running logs over the last 18 months and while it feels like I am stuck in a rut, I have made some progress. My times are much better than last year (although still slow). For someone who isn't "built like a runner", I still get a lot of enjoyment out of it. I have legs that are much more buffalo than gazelle, and even after a breast reduction FOLLOWED BY a 70 pound weight loss, I'm still more generously endowed than Marion Jones (or even Venus Williams, probably). But still, I have to say, the number one reason I still run is simple: because I can. It isn't enabling me to eat like a beast, or lose weight like crazy. My heart rate is much lower since I started running (it's in the normal range now, instead of being high) and my BP is lower. But that's not what keeps me going out there. It is just because after feeling like the slow, fat one for my whole life, even as a little kid, I take pleasure in being able to simply do it and not keel over. That's all. That's enough to make it enjoyable for me.
I'm reading Born to Run by Christopher McDougall right now. It is about a tribe of Mexican Indians who are known as Running People. They are like ultrarunners--those guys who run 100 mile races--but even more extreme, running for 48 hours straight. It's in their culture and their blood, they run well into old age, and they have nothing but joy in it--and no injuries--all in handmade sandals. It's a truly fascinating book. I have nothing in common with ultramarathoners. I have no ambitions to even do a half marathon, much less any craziness like the Leadville 100 in Colorado (a distance of 2 marathons plus 2 1500 ft climbs, all at once, all above 10,000 feet elevation). None! But those people are damn interesting, and I love to read about them. It gets me a little more excited to go out and get in 3 little miles up the South Hill.
For us in the eastern part of the state, the temps have cooled down a bit to the high 80s, while the West Side (i.e. Seattle) is sweltering this week, with over 100 degree temps. They are in a temperate weather zone, and are unaccustomed to temperature extremes over there. Few homes have AC, even a window unit. People are scampering to get the last fans at the hardware stores. It's a similar scene to 7 months ago, when they were trying to get by with 2 snowplows for the entire county when they had a rare snowstorm. But here, people are more used to the hot summers, and it is a little less humid (not that it's very humid in Seattle). It makes evening running a lot more pleasant, anyway.
I'm still trying to get my mileage back up after a long spring and early summer of slacking, mainly due to scheduling problems. My school schedule is now a bit unpredictable, and when I am working evenings it can be hard to get a run in before the temps are over 85 degrees. But I was looking back at my running logs over the last 18 months and while it feels like I am stuck in a rut, I have made some progress. My times are much better than last year (although still slow). For someone who isn't "built like a runner", I still get a lot of enjoyment out of it. I have legs that are much more buffalo than gazelle, and even after a breast reduction FOLLOWED BY a 70 pound weight loss, I'm still more generously endowed than Marion Jones (or even Venus Williams, probably). But still, I have to say, the number one reason I still run is simple: because I can. It isn't enabling me to eat like a beast, or lose weight like crazy. My heart rate is much lower since I started running (it's in the normal range now, instead of being high) and my BP is lower. But that's not what keeps me going out there. It is just because after feeling like the slow, fat one for my whole life, even as a little kid, I take pleasure in being able to simply do it and not keel over. That's all. That's enough to make it enjoyable for me.
I'm reading Born to Run by Christopher McDougall right now. It is about a tribe of Mexican Indians who are known as Running People. They are like ultrarunners--those guys who run 100 mile races--but even more extreme, running for 48 hours straight. It's in their culture and their blood, they run well into old age, and they have nothing but joy in it--and no injuries--all in handmade sandals. It's a truly fascinating book. I have nothing in common with ultramarathoners. I have no ambitions to even do a half marathon, much less any craziness like the Leadville 100 in Colorado (a distance of 2 marathons plus 2 1500 ft climbs, all at once, all above 10,000 feet elevation). None! But those people are damn interesting, and I love to read about them. It gets me a little more excited to go out and get in 3 little miles up the South Hill.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Endless Summer
The summer heat has me eating a lot less and drinking more. Both are good things for me. I love summertime--love the heat, playing outside, wearing summer clothes. Even when I was obese, I loved it, though not as much since I felt less comfortable in shorts and totally uncomfortable in swim suits. But summertime just feels like freedom to me. One think I like about where I live now is that summer is hot, punctuated every couple weeks by a storm, and then is immediately hot again. There isn't a lot of humidity here. When I lived in Portland and Seattle, there was always the sense that you had to hurry up and go do something fun when it was nice out, because the rain would be back any moment. (Of course, that was tempered by the fact that on a beautiful summer day, there is no place more lovely to be than Portland or Seattle.)
Last summer, most of my free time was spent in Portland. I didn't really explore Spokane very much as a result. This year I am trying to get out more in this area and check out what there is to do here. I've spent a lot of time at the Spokane River this week, which has been lovely. I drove out to Lake Coeur D'Alene as well, but didn't find the park I was looking for.
One of my favorite things about summer is fruit...I love it when all the berries are in season, and fresh watermelon, and cherries. I eat my fill of them with zero guilt.
Hopefully the scale will reflect my reduced summertime eating, although it hasn't very much yet. Everybody get outside and enjoy summer while it's here!
Last summer, most of my free time was spent in Portland. I didn't really explore Spokane very much as a result. This year I am trying to get out more in this area and check out what there is to do here. I've spent a lot of time at the Spokane River this week, which has been lovely. I drove out to Lake Coeur D'Alene as well, but didn't find the park I was looking for.
One of my favorite things about summer is fruit...I love it when all the berries are in season, and fresh watermelon, and cherries. I eat my fill of them with zero guilt.
Hopefully the scale will reflect my reduced summertime eating, although it hasn't very much yet. Everybody get outside and enjoy summer while it's here!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Band Thoughts
Today I was surprised and pleased to see MSNBC.com post an article about The End of Overeating, the book I just finished reading by Dr. David Kessler. Looks like he is getting some good press.
This weekend I am taking a class for my program called Law and Medicine. It is 3 days, 8 hours each day. This year because of scheduling conflicts, our last day of class is tomorrow, which is Sunday. We're pretty unhappy about that. The class is useful, but long and not terribly dynamic. Our instructor was the first CRNA in the country to earn her JD, and is very knowledgable about the subject. Amazingly, my program is the only one in the country that includes a class on law and medicine in the curriculum. Our final class will focus on how to read and negotiate an employment contract.
We get a make-up day off on Thursday, but that's not the same. Today I did a little reading, went to the gym, and spent the evening at Riverside State Park, hiking and cautiously playing in the river, which is notoriously dangerous. I stuck to parts that seemed still, avoided the current, and stayed by the bank. The park is huge and I drove out much further into it than I have before. It's such a beautiful park, I hope to have time this summer to play in it some more. My legs are tired, in a good way, from my run and from several miles of trekking.
I finally made an appointment with my new band surgeon for later this month. I will probably have to reschedule it but at least I'm on the books. Interestingly, this summer we start going on "field trips" to small CRNA-only practices in the area, and one of the places we go is the surgery center where my band surgeon operates. So once I find out when I am scheduled to go there, I'm going to see if I can schedule my appointment for the same day, for the sake of convenience. I didn't have surgery there; I had surgery in Portland, at a hospital that only has anesthesiologists (like most in Portland). But it's cool that this surgeon works exclusively with CRNAs. Anyway, I need to see the surgeon and probably need a fill. I just can't decide. I haven't been seen for my band in a long time, over a year, so I should go in anyway. I weigh about 2 pounds less than I did a year ago. I want to lose about 20 more.
At just under 2.5 years post-op, I'm a little frustrated, either with the band or with myself. I do believe that getting control of the psychological issues of weight loss are key to getting to goal for me, and would be no matter what surgery I had had. Perhaps if I had done something really major, like duodenal switch, I would have gotten to goal pretty definitively, but then I think maintenance might have been an issue, not to mention the issues associated with long-term malabsorption. But if I had it to do over again, I would probably have the sleeve gastrectomy. I have already decided that if I ever needed a revision or re-op due to a problem with the band, I would have the VSG. Why? It works like the band, but nothing needs adjusting, and there's nothing to slip. No wringing of hands trying to figure out if you need a fill or not, no convincing a provider that you really do need one. Yes, the initial attractiveness of the band was that it can be removed if necessary, and there was no permanent rearrangement of my anatomy. But, I dunno, there's just a lot to be said for having that angst taken out of the picture. I guess you have staple lines that could potentially leak, but I've seen this surgery done, and the staple lines created by the tools they use today are pretty solid, 3 rows of tiny staples. With a good surgeon, leaks are extremely rare. Any other post-op lap banders have this thought ever?
That's not to say that I haven't been happy with my band. It has served me well as the tool it was intended to be. At the time I had surgery, I wouldn't have considered amputating my stomach. Now I think it isn't as big a deal. But at the same time, since hunger isn't really the issue with me, it might not make a bit of difference, except that I wouldn't have to worry about fills or whether I have insurance to pay for them. I'd just have a smaller stomach with no moving parts. I could still eat ice cream and milkshakes and other things that would go right through. It wouldn't be any guarantee that I would be at goal now, or that I wouldn't regain.
I don't know. I wouldn't call it buyer's remorse. I'm not sorry I was banded, and I'm glad I've lost 60 lbs. (65 on a good day.) I have work to do on my eating, and thankfully, my band has helped me stay around the same weight for a year--but I am frustrated that I'm not getting any more headway in the direction I want to go. It's still a lot of work. Getting rid of hunger is only the first step, the thing that allows you to do the rest of the (much harder) work of controlling weight for life. It's still a work in progress.
This weekend I am taking a class for my program called Law and Medicine. It is 3 days, 8 hours each day. This year because of scheduling conflicts, our last day of class is tomorrow, which is Sunday. We're pretty unhappy about that. The class is useful, but long and not terribly dynamic. Our instructor was the first CRNA in the country to earn her JD, and is very knowledgable about the subject. Amazingly, my program is the only one in the country that includes a class on law and medicine in the curriculum. Our final class will focus on how to read and negotiate an employment contract.
We get a make-up day off on Thursday, but that's not the same. Today I did a little reading, went to the gym, and spent the evening at Riverside State Park, hiking and cautiously playing in the river, which is notoriously dangerous. I stuck to parts that seemed still, avoided the current, and stayed by the bank. The park is huge and I drove out much further into it than I have before. It's such a beautiful park, I hope to have time this summer to play in it some more. My legs are tired, in a good way, from my run and from several miles of trekking.
I finally made an appointment with my new band surgeon for later this month. I will probably have to reschedule it but at least I'm on the books. Interestingly, this summer we start going on "field trips" to small CRNA-only practices in the area, and one of the places we go is the surgery center where my band surgeon operates. So once I find out when I am scheduled to go there, I'm going to see if I can schedule my appointment for the same day, for the sake of convenience. I didn't have surgery there; I had surgery in Portland, at a hospital that only has anesthesiologists (like most in Portland). But it's cool that this surgeon works exclusively with CRNAs. Anyway, I need to see the surgeon and probably need a fill. I just can't decide. I haven't been seen for my band in a long time, over a year, so I should go in anyway. I weigh about 2 pounds less than I did a year ago. I want to lose about 20 more.
At just under 2.5 years post-op, I'm a little frustrated, either with the band or with myself. I do believe that getting control of the psychological issues of weight loss are key to getting to goal for me, and would be no matter what surgery I had had. Perhaps if I had done something really major, like duodenal switch, I would have gotten to goal pretty definitively, but then I think maintenance might have been an issue, not to mention the issues associated with long-term malabsorption. But if I had it to do over again, I would probably have the sleeve gastrectomy. I have already decided that if I ever needed a revision or re-op due to a problem with the band, I would have the VSG. Why? It works like the band, but nothing needs adjusting, and there's nothing to slip. No wringing of hands trying to figure out if you need a fill or not, no convincing a provider that you really do need one. Yes, the initial attractiveness of the band was that it can be removed if necessary, and there was no permanent rearrangement of my anatomy. But, I dunno, there's just a lot to be said for having that angst taken out of the picture. I guess you have staple lines that could potentially leak, but I've seen this surgery done, and the staple lines created by the tools they use today are pretty solid, 3 rows of tiny staples. With a good surgeon, leaks are extremely rare. Any other post-op lap banders have this thought ever?
That's not to say that I haven't been happy with my band. It has served me well as the tool it was intended to be. At the time I had surgery, I wouldn't have considered amputating my stomach. Now I think it isn't as big a deal. But at the same time, since hunger isn't really the issue with me, it might not make a bit of difference, except that I wouldn't have to worry about fills or whether I have insurance to pay for them. I'd just have a smaller stomach with no moving parts. I could still eat ice cream and milkshakes and other things that would go right through. It wouldn't be any guarantee that I would be at goal now, or that I wouldn't regain.
I don't know. I wouldn't call it buyer's remorse. I'm not sorry I was banded, and I'm glad I've lost 60 lbs. (65 on a good day.) I have work to do on my eating, and thankfully, my band has helped me stay around the same weight for a year--but I am frustrated that I'm not getting any more headway in the direction I want to go. It's still a lot of work. Getting rid of hunger is only the first step, the thing that allows you to do the rest of the (much harder) work of controlling weight for life. It's still a work in progress.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Food Rehab
I've gotten to the "meat" of my book I have been reading, "The End of Overeating." The first two-thirds of the book are dedicated to exploring the science behind what makes certain foods irresistable, or "hyperpalatable" as the author calls them. He explains that the restaurant and prepared foods industries have sort of "stumbled" on how to exploit this science, without necessarily knowing the science behind it, through trial and error, finding what it is that people buy and eat, working hard to make a product that customers will consume compulsively. It's not surprising or necessarily that sinister that they do this; this is business, and they are in the business of selling as much of their product as they can. When your business is food, you make more money if you can get people to come back over and over for your food, and eat more than they should. If it is actually addictive--and the science indicates that compulsive overeating is at least very similar to substance addictions--it just makes the stuff sell better. It took something like 80 years or more to condemn the tobacco industry for doing the exact same thing.
The last third of the book talks about how to deal with our problem of compulsive overeating. (or "conditioned hypereating" as the author calls it). It's a chronic problem, and many, many of us have it. It (probably) can't be "cured," but we can learn how to deal with it, through cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and support and practice.
Wouldn't it be great to be able to relate to food like a "normal" person? There really is such thing as a normal person when it comes to food, although at least in the USA, it seems like normal is now overeating and obesity. A truly "normal" eater doesn't eat the cookies on the table if they already ate a meal and are full. A "normal" eater doesn't think about eating when they aren't eating--like thinking about what you'll have for dinner when you just finished lunch. A "normal" eater doesn't obsess about the donuts in the break room, trying to resist an irresistable urge to go eat one, or two, or four. A "normal" eater can eat just one or two cookies, and stop, even though there are more cookies sitting right there in the package. Those people really exist!
In terms of addiction, alcoholics call people who can drink one beer and stop "normies." Some people can just have one beer, others can't resist the pull to keep drinking after just one. That's how many of us are about food. We aren't "normies". A lot of things are happening in our environment that condition more and more people to have abnormal relationships (and obsessions) with food. I like the idea that there are things we can do to combat this conditioning.
The book has a section toward the end called "Food Rehab." (I think that's awesome.) I wanted to directly quote the book on the essential principles, but I don't want to commit copyright infringement, so I'm going to paraphrase the ideas in my own words. Really, do read the book, it's very interesting.
Essential principles of Food Rehab:
-We are biologically driven to overeat. It's not a character defect or a matter of willpower. We can only get better when we stop seeing ourselves as failing at willpower.
-Treating this overeating problem is a chronic problem that can only be managed, not cured.
-Every time we eat one of our "trigger" foods, filled with sugar/fat/salt, we reinforce the habit and the reward system in our brains and make it more likely that we will do it again the next time. The way to treat this is to stop the cycle of urges and rewards.
-Diets make this problem worse when they leave us feeling deprived.
-The treatment is learning a new way to respond to food. It can only be learned when it generates a feeling of satisfaction. If the change leaves us feeling hungry, unhappy, angry or resentful, the new ways will not stick.
-To regain control, the approach has to address all the different elements that go into our overeating. It is a multi-step process.
-We won't always be perfect in this new behavior, but we can learn from our mistakes so we are less likely to repeat them.
-We can learn a new way to think about food and put it back into its proper place in our lives.
Dr. Kessler put it much better than this...check it out.
I have identified some of my own specific triggers and some ways to start learning how to avoid them. In another post I will talk about them some more. I really feel like this mental and emotional work is the key to losing my last pounds and getting to a managable, healthy weight. All the fills in the world, and all the running I can do, will not help me if I don't learn how to control my subconscious drive to eat inappropriately. I think Dr. Kessler's methods are one way to help me work through this.
The last third of the book talks about how to deal with our problem of compulsive overeating. (or "conditioned hypereating" as the author calls it). It's a chronic problem, and many, many of us have it. It (probably) can't be "cured," but we can learn how to deal with it, through cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and support and practice.
Wouldn't it be great to be able to relate to food like a "normal" person? There really is such thing as a normal person when it comes to food, although at least in the USA, it seems like normal is now overeating and obesity. A truly "normal" eater doesn't eat the cookies on the table if they already ate a meal and are full. A "normal" eater doesn't think about eating when they aren't eating--like thinking about what you'll have for dinner when you just finished lunch. A "normal" eater doesn't obsess about the donuts in the break room, trying to resist an irresistable urge to go eat one, or two, or four. A "normal" eater can eat just one or two cookies, and stop, even though there are more cookies sitting right there in the package. Those people really exist!
In terms of addiction, alcoholics call people who can drink one beer and stop "normies." Some people can just have one beer, others can't resist the pull to keep drinking after just one. That's how many of us are about food. We aren't "normies". A lot of things are happening in our environment that condition more and more people to have abnormal relationships (and obsessions) with food. I like the idea that there are things we can do to combat this conditioning.
The book has a section toward the end called "Food Rehab." (I think that's awesome.) I wanted to directly quote the book on the essential principles, but I don't want to commit copyright infringement, so I'm going to paraphrase the ideas in my own words. Really, do read the book, it's very interesting.
Essential principles of Food Rehab:
-We are biologically driven to overeat. It's not a character defect or a matter of willpower. We can only get better when we stop seeing ourselves as failing at willpower.
-Treating this overeating problem is a chronic problem that can only be managed, not cured.
-Every time we eat one of our "trigger" foods, filled with sugar/fat/salt, we reinforce the habit and the reward system in our brains and make it more likely that we will do it again the next time. The way to treat this is to stop the cycle of urges and rewards.
-Diets make this problem worse when they leave us feeling deprived.
-The treatment is learning a new way to respond to food. It can only be learned when it generates a feeling of satisfaction. If the change leaves us feeling hungry, unhappy, angry or resentful, the new ways will not stick.
-To regain control, the approach has to address all the different elements that go into our overeating. It is a multi-step process.
-We won't always be perfect in this new behavior, but we can learn from our mistakes so we are less likely to repeat them.
-We can learn a new way to think about food and put it back into its proper place in our lives.
Dr. Kessler put it much better than this...check it out.
I have identified some of my own specific triggers and some ways to start learning how to avoid them. In another post I will talk about them some more. I really feel like this mental and emotional work is the key to losing my last pounds and getting to a managable, healthy weight. All the fills in the world, and all the running I can do, will not help me if I don't learn how to control my subconscious drive to eat inappropriately. I think Dr. Kessler's methods are one way to help me work through this.
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