Moving slowly...but moving

Why does it seem like people who have the surgery I had lose weight faster than I do? And why can't I just get used to losing my weight slowly? It's about 1 lb per week, no more, sometimes a little less. I work out an hour a day, sometimes just cardio--elliptical, bike, treadmill, sometimes swimming--sometimes an exercise class like yoga or pilates (today I did pilates for the first time). Always at least an hour, and at least 4 days a week, usually 5, sometimes 6. I don't think it's too much. I'm an 85%-er with food: I follow all of my food rules about 85% of the time. (Except the water. I don't really believe in the water--- I KNOW, I KNOW, everyone says you have to drink so much water, but there is a lot of evidence to support not doing it, and it's just not going to happen for me, so get over it.) I usually have something that isn't "perfect" to eat every day, but it's usually small, less than 50 calories. I've reduced the sugars in my diet greatly. I'm trying to cut out the high fructose corn syrup, which is hard because it's in so many prepared foods. If I were a 100%-er I might lose weight more quickly, but I'm not.

So, I guess I know part of why I lose weight slowly. But some folks are lucky enough to cut the quantity of their eating with the lap band and just lose so much weight so quickly. It seems like they are the norm, but I think they are not. And it's so unproductive for me to even think about those people. I'm not one of them!

My last visit to the doc in October, I had lost about 6 lbs in a month and was right on track, and we decided not to do a fill. I thought I should just be more careful about my eating and working out and see how it goes. That was fine until the past week when I started noticing I was getting more hungry and sooner after I ate than before. I found myself foraging for food more, grazing more, and thinking about food more. So I went back today, had lost 3 lbs in the last 4 weeks, and got a fill of 0.2cc to get me to 3.2cc. Hopefully this is right. I am doing liquids and mushies today and things go down fine so it's so far, so good. I can't get too tight a fill now since I'll soon be in Spokane full time and won't be able to come back quickly for an unfill.

I might be losing more quickly if we weren't camping in our old place now with nearly no furniture or belongings...it's all in Spokane now...and eating out all the time. We're pretty good about splitting our meals and making good choices, usually, but it's still a lot of eating out, even if the quantity of food is smaller. It's kind of an uphill battle. I hate this in between time, not moved out, not moved in, nowhere to really relax and feel at home. Ugh. But we're carrying on, and in a couple weeks we'll be moved altogether.

Wednesday--Spa Week!

It's officially my Spa Week. I am doing a different exercise class each day and it feels like a week at the Spa, so there, I'm calling it Spa Week. I guess that means I'm going to have to get a massage or a manicure or something to round it all out; you can't have only exercise during Spa Week. *sigh* It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it...

So, the roundup so far:
Monday: Spinning class (Cycle Express, 50 minutes) and swimming
Tuesday: Yoga (apparently it was Advanced, but I did fine)
Weds: Flow Yoga and swimming
Tomorrow: Pilates

More movement seen on the scale...very nice...great success. (Right Borat?) But better than that, I feel like I'm working muscles that aren't used to working. I feel good, at peace. My mind is "right".

Vacation time

In the spirit of using up the rest of my benefit time before leaving my job and moving on to the next phase of my career, I took a week of vacation this week. The original plan was to go to Paris (I requested this time off back in the summer) but we couldn't get it all together in time and make it work. No matter. I've decided to spend this week trying different classes at march wellness, my wonderful gym, which I will sorely miss when I leave Portland. There are tons of classes there and I've either been intimidated by them or just didn't think to try them. Today I took a spinning class for the first time, which was surprisingly fun, although it made me sweat in a most unladylike fashion. I was going to take "Gentle Yoga" in the afternoon but the class was full. Boo. So, I swam 30 minutes instead. Tomorrow I'm taking a 12:15 Yoga class. Wednesday I think I'll take Pilates. There's a Power Vinyasa Yoga class I want to take, but I want to try a more basic class first. I'm excited about it! It's really time to shake up my workout routine. I'm not really bored with it but I think my body is.

Here's an NSV for me: I got my first pair of knee high zip-up boots today! I ordered them from Aerosoles and they took 2 weeks to get here, and I wasn't sure they would zip up, but they do and they are awesome! I'm so excited. My calves have always been too big for zip up boots. I had one pair of long boots a few years ago, but they were stretch and pull-up. They always fell down, since they didn't go all the way to my knees and they were pretty tight. Finally the seams just wore out and I had to throw them away. These are also stretch, but they fit nicely and are great quality. I have an Aerosoles obsession. Their shoes are so comfortable, and they make lots of lovely high heels that I can wear AND walk in comfortably. Not every pair is perfectly comfortable, but most are, and I can wear them all day without complaint. I'd rather spend a little more on shoes that I feel like walking in than half the price on shoes I don't want to walk more than 5 feet in. I usually get them on sale, so they tend to actually cost me $30-40 per pair. I'm totally obsessed with their shoes! Really, it is a problem. At least my husband thinks so. But in another month, I won't be able to buy shoes anymore for quite a while. I'm "living it up" a little now.

Another NSV: I wanted to get a pair of size 12 jeans today because my 14s are getting a bit big and soon it will be time to go to 12s. I tried them on, and they zipped up--they are definitely snug, and I need to lose 5-10 lbs to be comfortable in them, but I was a little surprised that they zipped up all the way. I also got a fall dress (on sale) and a sweater (on sale), both mediums, and they fit perfectly. Super cool!

I realize this is all pretty banal. Weight loss sort of has that effect. It's such an artificial thing to focus on, and yet it really is so important. The perks of improved appearance and buying fun clothes are nice, but the real goal is being a healthy old woman who can still walk and be active and care for myself. I have a lot of confidence in my constitution; I come from pretty healthy people, and I don't have a lot of concern for heart disease or diabetes based on my family history. But I want to keep my joints in good shape, and...well, hell, we all know the reasons for maintaining a healthy weight. The best thing right now is my physical fitness is improving, and I enjoy exercise. I have a lot more energy than I used to, I don't take my antidepressant anymore, and my mood is great. So while it's nice to get clothes in smaller sizes and have people compliment me on my appearance, how I feel is the best reward. My next scale victory: 40 lbs weight loss. I hope to get there in a couple of weeks.

The Halfway Point

Here I am, almost 7 months into the lapband journey, and I have lost one half of my goal. It's taking a long time to get here. It's hard not to get discouraged sometimes. I think my band is doing its job: I have restriction, and I stay full for at least 3 hours when I eat. I don't think the answer is another fill, although I never get stuck, vomit, or have any of the other "too tight" signs that other bandsters have, and I've never had any reflux, and I can eat bread easily, still. So maybe I do need a fill, I dunno. I suspect it's more a "me" thing than a band thing. For one, I probably eat more than I think I do. I still have a hard time estimating how much I have eaten and recognizing my "soft stop" before I blow past it. I also have a very hard time slowing down when I eat. I will probably always struggle with this. I'm trying to reduce/restrict the amount of breads and sugar that I eat, which hopefully will help as well. But also, this weight neighborhood I'm in right now is always where I plateau. Plus, 6 months into weight loss is a common plateau time. So it might not all be me (or at least things that I can change). I may have a perfect storm of weight loss stalling factors going on. I just keep plugging away, and do the best I can each day.

In 10 lbs, I will be the weight I was when I met my hubby. That is my next goal. After that I am in a weight zone that I haven't seen since I was 19. It's exciting!

I'm thinking of starting a more global blog. I'm not sure, but maybe a student CRNA/health care professional/chronic cynic sort of vibe. The whole package, including the weight loss stuff, moving to Spokane, being married (remarried), anything I can think of. We went to Spokane last weekend to attend the picnic for new students, meet the staff and current students, and scope out a place to live. Finding rentals in Spokane is sort of disappointing, but we definitely didn't want to buy a place and have to sell in 2 years, not with the trend in the housing market currently. We did find one absolutely perfect place, but the owner had just taken a deposit on it (asshole) and showed it to us anyway, and then drove us over a few blocks to his new manufactured-home type duplexes which were sparkly new and utterly depressing. View out the windows? More duplexes! Ugh. Then he was sort of disparaging about my desire to live in one of the numerous lovely old houses in Spokane that you see everywhere, kinda like the one he showed us first that we couldn't have. He really pissed me off with that little bait and switch. We decided on the first floor apartment of a beautiful historic home very close to the hospital where I will spend most of my time. Just waiting on the approval process so we can work out everything else. I would have preferred to rent a house with no upstairs neighbors, but we just didn't find one in a good location that was worth renting. There are some downsides to the place we are going with, but I think overall it will be a good fit.

Onderland!

This weekend I quietly slipped into Onederland. For anyone who hasn't ever weighed over 200 lbs and tried to lose weight, "Onederland" refers to the magical wonderland where the first digit of your weight starts with a 1. Maybe that's obvious, I dunno. Anyway, it's a great milestone, but I really didn't give it a lot of thought like I thought I would. I am now 1 lb from my halfway mark, which is 37 lbs lost. It does feel good when I think about it.

Everything is winding down for us here in Stumptown. I find myself looking around a lot and trying to remember the things I love about Portland. I'm sure we'll end up back here eventually, but I don't know when. Starting school is getting more real, and more scary, every day. My program is going to be incredibly challenging in many ways, not just academically but also for our personal life as a couple, for me no longer being a financially contributing partner in our marriage, and in a time management sense, trying to manage having enough time for classes, studying, fitness and quality time with hubby. That's not even taking into account any attempts to continue with my glass art! I don't know if THAT will happen at all or not. But I'm trying not to worry about it. It's exciting to go back to school and start something challenging and stimulating. And I love the prospect of being able to earn more money in a career that I think I will enjoy, and getting closer to fulfilling my dream of having a family of my own and a real home. My life has been interesting so far, and while it's tough that I'll be trying to have a family when I'm getting close to the end of my reproductive years, I wouldn't change the experiences I've had for anything. I couldn't have done all the things I've done in life if I had had children in my 20s (even if I had that option...I didn't have a partner to have children with back then).

This past year has been a personally challenging one for my hubby and me, but I think we've done well with the difficulties we've had to face together, and we're stronger for it. I'm especially proud of my hubby in the way that he's dealt with so much stress this year. He's such a strong person, and so supportive and kind. I just love him to pieces! Thanks sweetie. :)

Almost Halfway There

It's official, I am 34 lbs down and 40 lbs from goal! This Thursday will be 6 months exactly since my surgery. When I look back and consider that in my last successful attempt at weight loss, through Weight Watchers, I lost the same amount of weight but it took me 13 months, I feel very successful. I have lost weight proportionately, but enough that everyone notices now, even those who see me every day. After making halfway, my next milestone is another 13 lbs, when I will be at the weight I was when I met my husband. It's hard to believe that I gained almost 50 lbs since August 2004. That took about 3 1/2 years!

Other things fill my days than weight loss. I will be resigning my position at work in November, which is just around the corner. We will move to Spokane and I will start preparing to embark on my next professional goal, becoming a CRNA. My good friends Jon and Shannon both got in to anesthesia school in Florida, and they start a month after I do. I feel like we will all be going to school together, even though we will be on opposite coasts. I continue to make glass beads. I have made a lot of progress in my work this summer. I hope to get around to photographing the beads and selling them one of these times, but there are a lot of glass artists selling beads these days. I'd like to just be able to support my hobby; it's quite expensive. Hubby and I continue along, spending most days just with each other when we are not working. We have our bumps along the way, but we are fortunate to have a very loving and playful relationship.

This summer has been brief, but good. As far as the band goes, I have only had 2 fills this summer--in June and about 2 weeks ago. I had lost a great amount of weight at my June appointment, so Dr Jan had me come back in 2 months, but I came back sooner when my weight loss stalled again. When I saw the PA, Patrick, for the first time, he took out the fluid before filling me, saw I only had 2.1 cc rather than the 2.7 that should have been there, filled me to 2.6, and here I am. I think I could use a little more of a tweak--some days my restriction is pretty good, others I feel hungry a lot. It's never "tight"--I've never felt like I might get something stuck or had a hard time getting any kind of food down. I've never had reflux or vomited for any reason. I've never had a single difficulty with my band, actually, just difficulty finding the "sweet spot" of restriction. Yet, still I am losing weight, and I don't feel like I am dieting, so I call it success. I have to resist comparing my weight loss to anyone else's because I know I am a slow loser, and I know I'm doing the best I can. I work out at least 6 hours a week, and I eat 1000-1100 kcal per day. I have a healthy diet, I eat enough protein, and I'm not dehydrated. I'm doing the things I'm supposed to do and I am losing weight; almost 6 lbs per month, which is perfect. So I would say that things are going very well with me and the Band.

Maybe another 13 lbs by Thanksgiving? Who knows?

Real, Honest-to-Gosh Restriction

I knew I was very, very close to the Sweet Spot. I could smell its cologne. I had decent restriction before, but thought maybe just a tiny bit more would do the trick. Indeed, 0.2cc was the magic number for me. Today I didn't even really think about food. Weird! No sickness, no reflux, no heartburn. And full for 4-5 hours. Nice!

The Fat Clinic

I think that it must be interesting to work in a bariatric clinic during the summertime, when all the folks who have started losing weight are coming in fresh of the hottie press in their stretched, smaller-size summer threads. The gals at the front desk of my clinic don't seem to notice. Maybe they are professionals about it all, or maybe just bored. None of them are obese. Maybe some of them have had surgery, but I doubt it. They all seem about 20 years old. Anyway, when I went in for my appointment today I felt kind of like that, in my summer sundress and sandals, 27 lbs lighter and straight from the gym.

I met the new surgical fellow, a nice Indian man whom I liked much better than Dr Stinky, who was Dr Hong's fellow when I had my surgery. He was very thorough in his history and assessment, but unfortunately could not access my port to do my tiny 0.2cc fill. Dr Jan was there too, and he had no problem--this was actually the first time anyone has had trouble getting into my port, but the only people to try before were Drs. Hong and Jan, and they are experienced. I just hope and pray that the jabs (which were north of my port, or closer to my head, therefore closer to the tubing) did not puncture the tubing and start a leak. Water went down fine, and I went home.

I did get wiser this time, and schedule my fill late in the day rather than early. Why spend the whole day hungry? :) Dr Jan was pleased with my 9 lb loss since my last appointment 5 weeks ago. My next appointment is in 7 weeks, which is early September. Nice! I get the rest of the summer "off", so to speak. Hopefully I post another nice weight loss by then and can cruise like this for a while. 7 weeks, I should be able to manage at least 10 lbs more by then.

Adjustment

I just updated my stats in the Excel spreadsheet I'm using to track my weight loss. I realized that the day before surgery my weight was 2 lbs higher than what I have been using as my start weight, so I decided to use that as my start weight. It seemed more accurate when looking at my spreadsheet. Of course, it helps that it makes my weight loss look better too. :) Can't complain about that.

I have an appointment Monday with Dr Jan, my 'replacement' surgeon (since my surgeon Dr Hong left the practice and moved back to Canada). It's about 5 weeks since my last fill. I have lost about 5 lbs in the last 3 weeks. I get hungry about 4 hours after a meal. I have never vomited one time since having my band placed, or gotten food stuck in my stoma. I am not sure if he will want to fill my band some more or not. If he does, it would be a very small fill, I would think. I think things are going very well for me right now, and I don't want to screw it up. I work out about 4 days a week, get plenty of protein and veggies, and am losing weight.

I am lucky that I am not terribly picky about what I eat, and I like a lot of things, especially healthy foods. My mom did a great job in giving us kids a lot of variety in our diet and a lot of healthy foods growing up. We all like to eat nutritious food (we like junk food too, but still) and we don't turn up our noses at much of anything. I think that has made the band journey a lot easier for me than for some people. I actually have changed very little about the way I eat since being banded. Now I am more careful about eating protein, and I obviously eat smaller portions. I also try my best not to eat when I am not physically hungry. That's a daily struggle, as is drinking enough water. I try not to eat as many sweets, but I don't avoid them entirely. I am more conscious of the fact that eating sugar reinforces the sugar addiction and causes a crash that makes me crave more sugar later; it's a vicious cycle that I try my best to avoid. I don't always make the best choices, but I do get back on the horse after I fall off, and I can get back on track more easily than I could before having the band.

The Loser's Bench

Today was spent at ACLS class, or Advanced Cardiac Life Support. This certification is required every two years for certain health care providers. Those who are familiar with it know it is a pain in the butt. 8 hours of class going over familiar material that has been altered ever so slightly each year by the American Heart Association, ending with a test and a "Mega Code" in which each tester has to be the leader for a scenario that the instructor walks each leader through, going from one type of cardiac arrhythmia algorithm to another and recognizing which one you are in and going through the correct steps. It's nerve racking for most folks, and annoying for everyone. But it must be done, and my time was up. Afterward I went to the gym.

I continue to lose weight, to my constant amazement and delight. I have lost 23 lbs now. I am happy with this so far. I get hungry about 4 hours after eating a meal, but I never get extremely hungry. The hardest thing for me continues to be not grazing on treats at work. At work the best thing for me seems to be spreading out my lunch over the whole shift so I have something to snack on instead of treats. If there is a potluck, I make the best choices I can and don't go back. Some days it works better than others.