I got to the gym very late today--nearly 9, and they close at 10. So I had to do an abbreviated workout. I only spent 30 minutes on the treadmill, but I ran for 20 minutes straight, which is a new record for me! So I didn't worry too much about missing my last 6 or so minutes of running that I would have done in another leg. I didn't have time to do all of my weights either, but I did most of them. I was not quite as sluggish as yesterday, but not great either. I think my overall energy is just down, period.
But you know, running for 20 minutes was a struggle, and not just physically. Running is a constant mental game, at least for me. I'm constantly making deals with myself. I know that if I want to go for 15 minutes, say, I have to mentally break it into smaller blocks, and give myself permission to bail out before I get the whole thing done, knowing that I will talk myself into doing the whole thing, and usually 1 minute more, anyway. I don't go into a "zone" when I run. What do people think about when they run? How do you do a marathon? Don't you get bored? I have times when I notice that I feel really good while I'm running, but it is still a mental challenge for me. My brain needs something to distract itself. Sometimes listening to podcasts instead of music works, but if it doesn't have my total attention I have to go to one of my workout playlists instead. But either way, I'm watching my time, watching the clock, watching my heart rate, constantly watching something. I'm not in any kind of zone.
I'd love to hear what other people think about when they run, or what their brain DOES while all that is going on.
Meanwhile, my weight has been stable for 4 days--no change at all. Which is fine, I guess. It's better than gaining. (Hah, that reminds me of Bull Durham...when Nuke LaLoosh comes onto the bus and tells Crash, "Man, I looove winning...it's, like, better than losing.") My pants, though, are getting baggy. Here's another thing that I never noticed happening when I was heavier: I spend so much time "between" sizes now. What's up with that? The size 8 jeans are getting baggy, so I bought size 6. Cool, huh? But they are clearly too small still...they go on, but are skin tight. I know jeans (ones with stretch, which seems to be most jeans now...certainly the ones I buy!) loosen up about 1/2 a size after wearing, but it's still a big discrepancy between the size I'm wearing now, and the next size down. When I was big, I guess clothes didn't really fit as exactly. Stuff was always either loose or tight, and that's how life was. Now I want my clothes to FIT. But it's not just that. I could lose or gain 10 lbs and the size 16 jeans would still fit (or size 18, depending where I was along the spectrum...). It took a much bigger weight swing at the higher sizes to affect whether I needed a different size. Does that make sense? That it takes less weight change to need a new size now, but I can spend so much time too small for one size and too big for the next? I find it weird. Anyway, the size 6's are waiting for me. Within 5 lbs, they're mine.